Happy Nurse's Week!
Yes, the e-cards circulating on Facebook appropriately laud and encourage all of us nurses. Like anyone who does or does not like their job, we work hard, see the best of the best and the worst of the worst, have stinky hours sometimes, and bear an enormous burden of responsibility. The expertise of an experienced nurse is quite literally what can save your life. But today I want to address a group of nurses who are quite possibly the hardest workers and who will face the toughest challenge this year:
New grads.
Over the past few years, as I've significantly scaled back my hours and sort of tabled a profession that I fiercely love and would love to grow in again at some point, the Lord has dropped in my lap some unexpected opportunities to mentor and encourage nursing students or new grads. Whether it's a mock interview, meeting for coffee, or even being connected for a quick email to answer some questions but never meeting in person, these opportunities are a treasure. Being a new grad is no joke. Especially in the current economy. When I was a new grad, hospitals snatched us up by the dozen, often before we even graduated; you slid straight from finals to orientation within a week. It's not that way today, when hundreds or thousands of applicants may vie for one nursing position. Being a new grad is an overwhelming, exhilarating, exasperating, amazing experience.
So, I would like to post some encouragement for you, new grad. A lot of this could probably apply to anyone in a new position; but I do think that the experience of being a brand new nurse is its own animal. I'm not trying to come off like I'm some spectacular know-it-all nurse; but there ARE some things that I wish someone would have told me before I stepped into that first job. So, here's the summary of the past few years of mentoring some of the most hopeful, bright, and talented people I've encountered...who, by the way, did end up getting amazing jobs and are thriving. So, nervous or discouraged new grad, it can be done. ;)
Dear. New. Grad....
Welcome to nursing, congrats, etc etc. Let me dive right in.
If there's one thing I wish someone would have gently reminded me, it's that your work isn't be graded anymore, so-to-speak. The research you seek out, the interventions you come up with, the care plans you write - yes, the whole of your work will likely be evaluated on an annual basis, but as a rule, your consistent source of feedback isn't there anymore. I was used to professors applauding my words, my papers, my exams, and my efforts - and that's what pushes you through school. The A or the C- lets you know where you stand. You won't really get that in your job. Admittedly, many hospitals have excellent orientation programs that offer excellent mentorship, but once you're off orientation, you might not hear much about the great job you're doing. Sometimes all you'll get is negative feedback - and if you don't get ANY feedback, it may mean that you're doing great. I know this probably comes off as pretentious or fluffy, but when I look back at the number of days I came home from work and flung myself on the bed in tears, I realize now that it was because no one was patting me on the back and telling me that I was at least on track....and I desperately, desperately wanted to know that I was at least on track. So you might not get that feedback. And that's okay. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You will pass boards. I know some *incredible* nurses who had to take them two or three times. Yes, a horrifying thought. -But- one, two, twelve years later...it's really not much more than a blip on the radar.
When you interview, be prepared to answer the simple question, "So tell me about yourself." I've had a lot of interviews between being a traveler and simply moving around quite a bit in a few-year span, and this was almost always the first 'question.' It sounds simple enough, but when you're nervous and dressed in your best and trying to put on your best face, just being asked to tell someone about yourself suddenly feels like a very loaded question. And when I've done mock interviews, it's where most people flub, blush, look at the ground, "er" and "um" a lot, and finally choke out a not-terribly-confident response about how they have a few siblings and like to knit or run. So think about how you'd respond! Then practice sitting up straight, looking that manager in the eye and saying, "I'd love to!" and tell them where you're from, a thing or two that you like to do, why you became a nurse, and perhaps what brought you to this current interview. Or something like that.
You will make mistakes. One night when I was a new grad, I received an order to give a patient 1 to 4 mg of dilaudid IV push as needed for pain. She rated her pain as a "10." SO, I gave her 4mg, the maximum dose. She was the size of Thumbelina. Four milligrams was WAY too much. PRAISE THE LORD she needed oral potassium, and when the LPN went in to wake her up to give it to her, that's when we found that she had a respiratory rate of 4. You know that sternal rub they teach you in school? It works really well when you do it REALLY HARD. A quick dose of narcan and she was (painfully) wide awake and breathing just fine. The outcome could have been terrible and I wouldn't be writing this today. The doctor was like, "Um, I meant for that to be titrated." Yup. Now when my patient rates their pain as a "10" I start out lower than the lowest dose. The point is, you learn from your mistakes and you never make them again, guaranteed. No one flunked me, yelled at me, or fired me. The rest of my shift went fine. It's okay. Expect it and don't beat yourself up over it.
You will never be your own island. Yes, when you study for your boards, you really do feel like if you don't know every. little. thing. about every disease, every organ, every medication, every single one of Erickson's stages and Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, you will most certainly kill everyone in your reach. But that's simply not true. You will always, always be surrounded - or at least accompanied somewhat - by other people. When things go down, other nurses are there. When you have a question, there's someone to ask. You will never find yourself alone without another soul for miles and miles with a patient who is dying on the spot. There WAS the one time when I worked in a very large NICU that someone handed me the admission pager so they could run down to grab something to eat. They swore that the 26-week triplets who were on the board weren't doing anything anytime soon. Well blast it, labor and delivery hit that pager about ten minutes later, and those 26-week triplets were about to come out. Problem was, they paged it incorrectly, so all of the other people with pagers (like the nurse practitioners who were also on their break) would likely look at the page and ignore it. I showed up alone, at a c-section for 26-week triplets! when I should have had nine other people with me, and about soiled my drawers on the spot. BUT! at what felt like the last possible second, the rest of the team showed up and I nearly collapsed with relief. And now in retrospect, no way would they have just started the surgery and handed three extreme preemies to one nurse. But at the time, it sure felt like that's what was about to happen.
You may not land your dream job right away. You've always dreamed of being a pediatric or labor and delivery nurse. What's available is dialysis, renal, or the neuro step-down unit. Take those jobs. Attack them with gusto. The pediatric and L&D job will open up at some point, but if you turn down the other opportunities along the way, you may be looking and unemployed for a loooooong time. And, you may find that you actually enjoy setting up peritoneal dialysis. Who knows. I did the traditional 1-2 years of med/surg - and I know that that is met with groans of great reluctance. But dang, those med/surg nurses have to know their stuff...about a LOT of meds, a LOT of diagnoses, a LOT of age groups. I learned that I loved working with the elderly. You're doing everything from changing bed pans to giving blood transfusions to taking care of all manner of post-surgicals. You learn to hustle your bustle. In a good way. If you have an opportunity to do med-surg or any form of ICU, take it. Right now doing anything for one or two or three years sounds like a lifetime, but it's literally the tiniest fraction of your career, but will pay dividends in the long run as far as experience is concerned. You will get your dream job at some point, I can nearly guarantee it.
Be open to going someplace else. I heard a few years back that Missoula, Montana was the place to go to find great nursing positions. A big university town with a decent-sized hospital. But yeah, it's in the mountains pretty far out there. Take those jobs. Make them the springboard for where you want to go next. You want to be a travel nurse? You need at least a few years of experience...BUT - pick a great place to start out, and begin your adventure that way.
Now, when you do land that job....
Have big ears, and ask a lot of questions. Listen to other nurses and how they answer patients' questions. You'll learn a ton.
No task is beneath you. Sadly, I'm surprised by the number of BSN students who are less than enthused about filling a patient's water, changing linens, walking a patient, or (gasp) changing a bedpan or taking the to the bathroom. I've even heard one or two of them say, "Oh, we don't need to do that...when we start working, that's what the unit assistants do."
*scoreboard buzzer.*
No task, no matter how small, is beneath you. Filling water umpteen times for your patients during your shift is a nursing intervention and an opportunity to teach about hydration, edema, keeping secretions thin, preventing a bladder infection, healing from surgery, you name it. The contents of a bedpan will tell you much about your patient's current status. Rubbing lotion on a bed-weary back will clue you into a whole lot about your patient's skin integrity. You won't have time to do many of these tasks and they will need to be delegated...but they certainly come with the territory AND your degree.
Keep your patho book. And your diagnostic lab manual. That just goes without saying.
Yes, you will write care plans for the rest of your career. Sorry!
Learn how to be a great teacher. One of the biggest roles you will have as a nurse is to educate, educate, educate your patients. I worked nights for a few years as a newbie. I always felt out of the loop on the night shift, because you don't see the docs and social workers and everyone making their rounds during the day, so you don't hear firsthand what's going on, and the report you received from the off-going nurse may have had some holes (it's hard to remember every detail at the end of 12hrs). So I started off going straight to the progress notes and the most recent orders, and used those as part of my teaching. A) It helps you know what the doc said or has in mind about this patient, and B) you start to become familiar with the dubious scribbling handwriting of each doc, another bonus. Then I could go in a patient's room and confidently say, "Here's what the plan is" (within reason...obviously you're not going to march in and say, "Did you know that your doctor wrote that your prognosis is very poor?"), go over their latest orders, use that as an opportunity to reinforce new med education, etc. Then, as you do your assessment, use that as a teaching tool - as you're auscultating lungs, review the importance of C&DB. When you listen to bowel sounds, reinforce the importance of ambulation and hydration. And on and on through your whole assessment. Boom. You've now looked at the chart, checked the orders, done your assessment, AND can fill out your education record, all in one fell swoop. :)
All of that stuff your profs hammered into you about evidence-based practice...be glad. You will never get away from needing to know the most recent research.
All that stuff you learned about culture...yep, you'll be glad you know about that too. And while I'm at it, if you have the opportunity to learn Spanish....yeah. My Spanish looks like a vaudeville comedy act. So much for minoring in French.
And finally...
Plug into a good church or community. It's easy to let your new career consume you. But you need to keep your faith afloat, you need accountability when you start getting crass and judgmental, and you need a life outside of work. Because work will get your number and will take as much from you as you are willing to give...and then some. I let church fall to the wayside for a season (it was really hard on an inconsistent night schedule), and I wasn't a pretty sight emotionally. Make it a huge priority.
And so, dear new grad, you are welcomed into a new world of odd schedules, working weekends and holidays, and amassing some great stories. It's also a world full of some of the most incredible, sharp, intelligent, motivated and talented people you'll ever meet. Congratulations - your education hasn't been completed, it's only just begun. ;)
Friday, May 10, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Choking on Words
These are the most ordinary pictures in the world, but they were taken on a terribly extraordinary day: December 14th, 2012. The day the Sandy Hook shooting occurred. I'm not normally given to emotional reactions to the news, but I think it was a day that every person - and certainly every parent - suffocated in horrified possibility. I took these pictures just a couple hours after hearing of the events, just to feel the weight of this thing called normal that those parents haven't grasped since their babies were silenced.
I've been writing blog posts in my mind every day since, and time and toddler and baby steal my opportunities. Or it's just too big and too much to speak to. But I'm choking on words that beg to be written - so tonight I choose words over sleep.
My heart is beyond heavy tonight. The weight of heavy discussions and questions this week press on me. The cracking of a precious mother's heart in grief over a fractured relationship with her child presses on me. The bitter rage of a mother who unexpectedly lost her toddler - a mother I don't even know, but social media is weird like that - presses on me. Seeing how tender my own son's heart is. All of it. It is so easy to ask....
......how long, O Lord? How long?
Our days, they are so fleeting. Oh Lord, teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Several weeks ago a dear woman at church testified to the anxiety that has crippled her for years, confined her to her bed some days. She was loathe to speak of the time it took from her children, and for her children to have to see her walk that road. The fear that something - that huge unknown - would happen, and she wouldn't be there for her children, was unbearable. And it locked her in and owned her.
Today this tiny minute of a woman stood before us, testifying again - this time of her release from her self-inflicted captivity. The joy, the freedom that has finally settled upon her.
But her freedom did not come in a way that you may expect....
She is staring her worst fear in the eye, confirmed without expectation only a few weeks ago. In just as many weeks, she may very well be standing in front of her Lord and Savior, and her good work here will be finished.
But we do not grieve as though we have no hope.
Like Paul, she rejoices BECAUSE of her chains, not in spite of them. The worst has happened. She no longer has to worry. It came to close her in, but thanks be to a perfect Savior who already conquered death, who is her final hope and plea. Cancer may take her brain and her body, but her joy and hope rest in the One who created her brain and body, who never topples off his throne wondering what will happen next.
Friends, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have the promises of our God. I can't bear up the burdens of the people around me without knowing that they ultimately aren't mine to bear. If I didn't have Christ to fall upon I would be *nothing.* NOTHING. A crushed, wrecked pile of ash. I would not be able to handle the news on days like December 14th. I could not bear the heartache of a devastated mother. I just could....not. My marriage would be a disaster and my parenting a joke.
Oh, I long for the freedom that this dear woman is experiencing right now. The Proverbs 31 woman laughs at the days to come because no fear stands by her shoulder. Do you laugh at the days to come? No matter what they may bring?
I guess I really have no point in this post except to say...all of our days are few. We have no guarantee that our families will be safe, our health will be secured, our children will make wise choices, our worst fears won't happen. But thanks be to God who is on the same throne He was on the day His Son died. We do not have to live as though we have no hope. There is still freedom and life to be found in our worst fear coming true, even.
I need to go to bed. I still feel burdened. And like I wrote a blog post that has no real point to it...but I will wake up tomorrow morning reminded that this IS the day the Lord has made and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it. I will clean my house and feed my babies and be grateful - so grateful - that it is another normal day.
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time....Ephesians 5:15-16)
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Not the most wonderful time of the year
I really don't have time to write this but I need to.
I don't remember the date off the top of my head anymore, but I'll find myself edgy and on the verge of tears for part of a day and not entirely certain why. And I find myself at the kitchen table - usually the same spot each time - glancing at the calender and....oh yes. That's why.
The day the Lord said, "Not yet, dear daughter...this one needs to come back to Me."
I cried plenty but I don't really remember asking why. It was a long month. I let it take its course naturally. I was glad it was Christmas because sometimes the glitter took away the weighty feelings. But it was not the most wonderful time of the year.
Was it the most wonderful time when Jesus came?
Mary and Joseph weren't exactly traveling under grand circumstances, in posh accommodations. An impromptu trip to his hometown under the edict of a ruler who simply wanted to count heads, probably leaving a scoffing pack of busybodies who cackled about Mary's "story," on the heels of what was undoubtedly an awkward Jewish wedding.
Who knows how Mary's contractions began, if her water broke while she was yet being hauled on a donkey, or what. But I'm sure the scene wasn't nearly as pretty or clean as the nativity on my entertainment stand.
The coming of our Lord was humble and unassuming. The circumstances alternately wonderful on the eternal side of things and not so much on this side of heaven.
This is not the most wonderful time of the year for many people. Three of my most memorable NICU losses happened at Christmas...sad memories for me but a black mark on the holidays for those families.
Yet - YET! - the very One whose birth we celebrate is the One who more than understands our rejection, disappointment, grief, anxiety...you name it. He experienced it in spades and bore it and took it to the cross. Willingly. It is the most wonderful NEWS but it's not the most wonderful time of the year...
...unless you look at it from an eternal perspective.
...and turn off the radio station that's playing all the Falalalalala and turn on the one that's playing Joy to the World.
Dear, grieving or hurting or anxious friend, don't buy it. Christmas isn't snow and cookies and presents and trees and lights. It's a God who exchanged eternity for space and time and filled His lungs with the murky air we breathe. The God who stood right by you when you lost your baby, watched your husband walk out, when you tossed aside your willpower and fed your addiction, when your finances collapsed. Celebrate HIM.
...though he was in the form of God...made himself nothing...being born in the likeness of men...
Let every heart prepare him room
I don't remember the date off the top of my head anymore, but I'll find myself edgy and on the verge of tears for part of a day and not entirely certain why. And I find myself at the kitchen table - usually the same spot each time - glancing at the calender and....oh yes. That's why.
The day the Lord said, "Not yet, dear daughter...this one needs to come back to Me."
I cried plenty but I don't really remember asking why. It was a long month. I let it take its course naturally. I was glad it was Christmas because sometimes the glitter took away the weighty feelings. But it was not the most wonderful time of the year.
Was it the most wonderful time when Jesus came?
Mary and Joseph weren't exactly traveling under grand circumstances, in posh accommodations. An impromptu trip to his hometown under the edict of a ruler who simply wanted to count heads, probably leaving a scoffing pack of busybodies who cackled about Mary's "story," on the heels of what was undoubtedly an awkward Jewish wedding.
Who knows how Mary's contractions began, if her water broke while she was yet being hauled on a donkey, or what. But I'm sure the scene wasn't nearly as pretty or clean as the nativity on my entertainment stand.
The coming of our Lord was humble and unassuming. The circumstances alternately wonderful on the eternal side of things and not so much on this side of heaven.
This is not the most wonderful time of the year for many people. Three of my most memorable NICU losses happened at Christmas...sad memories for me but a black mark on the holidays for those families.
Yet - YET! - the very One whose birth we celebrate is the One who more than understands our rejection, disappointment, grief, anxiety...you name it. He experienced it in spades and bore it and took it to the cross. Willingly. It is the most wonderful NEWS but it's not the most wonderful time of the year...
...unless you look at it from an eternal perspective.
...and turn off the radio station that's playing all the Falalalalala and turn on the one that's playing Joy to the World.
Dear, grieving or hurting or anxious friend, don't buy it. Christmas isn't snow and cookies and presents and trees and lights. It's a God who exchanged eternity for space and time and filled His lungs with the murky air we breathe. The God who stood right by you when you lost your baby, watched your husband walk out, when you tossed aside your willpower and fed your addiction, when your finances collapsed. Celebrate HIM.
...though he was in the form of God...made himself nothing...being born in the likeness of men...
Let every heart prepare him room
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Falalalalala
I don't mean to brag, buuuuuttttttt.....
.........here's our Christmas tree. Go ahead. Pin it.
You see, our house is just a hair small right now for a tree. A diaper changing table resides where the tree would normally go, and there really is no other place for it. At all. So a 2D Christmas tree it is until Luke's outta dipes. This two-dimensional fit of genius sports one roll of wrapping paper, a handful of to-and-from tags, a cheap garland, and a shiny bow on top. If you haven't pinned it already, ya better do it.
Here's my other little piece of inspiration:
Actually, I think this turned out very cute.
And finally, even better than any Christmas tree:
(Stop envying my mad photography skills, just stop!)
But seriously, Matt's mom gave us the nativity when we were first married. It showed up at our condo when we lived in Denver and it came from a Catholic supply store in Missouri (??). We didn't open it until after Thanksgiving, but we were so perplexed as to WHAT could come from a Catholic supply store?! Matt surmised that it must be a blow-up St. Christopher doll. Because clearly THAT is what you would buy at such a store. So we kept referring to "the box" as "the blow-up St. Christopher doll" - and when it (obviously) WASN'T, Matt was actually a little bit disappointed. I, on the other hand, was teary at the sentimental thought of having the tradition of setting up the nativity with our children one day, teaching them the story of Jesus' birth. They would listen with eyes wide and filled with rapt, sparkling wonder as I quoted directly from the book of Luke and arranged all of the figurines.
Well, the box is actually still labeled "Blow Up St. Christopher Doll" with Sharpie marker, and I, shall we say, blew it up yesterday. I quoted as much as I could remember from Linus' speech on the Charlie Brown Christmas special (because he does quote directly from the book of Luke). Levi whined because he couldn't stand up on the chair with me while I strung the lights behind the entertainment center, whined because I wouldn't let him watch a truck video, cried because I wouldn't let him swan-dive on Luke AGAIN, I kept yelling at the dog to GIT. OUT. OF. THE. WAY, my text alert from Matt (that he was on his way home) reminded me that dinner was far from being done, glitter was spread everywhere from Levi pulling out all of the decorations, and Levi was far more interested in the Santa Claus piggy bank that still had a few pennies in it.
BUUUT - the 2D Christmas Tree is up and so is the Blow Up St. Christopher Doll. We'll keep working on making it meaningful, right?
.........here's our Christmas tree. Go ahead. Pin it.
You see, our house is just a hair small right now for a tree. A diaper changing table resides where the tree would normally go, and there really is no other place for it. At all. So a 2D Christmas tree it is until Luke's outta dipes. This two-dimensional fit of genius sports one roll of wrapping paper, a handful of to-and-from tags, a cheap garland, and a shiny bow on top. If you haven't pinned it already, ya better do it.
Here's my other little piece of inspiration:
Actually, I think this turned out very cute.
And finally, even better than any Christmas tree:
(Stop envying my mad photography skills, just stop!)
But seriously, Matt's mom gave us the nativity when we were first married. It showed up at our condo when we lived in Denver and it came from a Catholic supply store in Missouri (??). We didn't open it until after Thanksgiving, but we were so perplexed as to WHAT could come from a Catholic supply store?! Matt surmised that it must be a blow-up St. Christopher doll. Because clearly THAT is what you would buy at such a store. So we kept referring to "the box" as "the blow-up St. Christopher doll" - and when it (obviously) WASN'T, Matt was actually a little bit disappointed. I, on the other hand, was teary at the sentimental thought of having the tradition of setting up the nativity with our children one day, teaching them the story of Jesus' birth. They would listen with eyes wide and filled with rapt, sparkling wonder as I quoted directly from the book of Luke and arranged all of the figurines.
Well, the box is actually still labeled "Blow Up St. Christopher Doll" with Sharpie marker, and I, shall we say, blew it up yesterday. I quoted as much as I could remember from Linus' speech on the Charlie Brown Christmas special (because he does quote directly from the book of Luke). Levi whined because he couldn't stand up on the chair with me while I strung the lights behind the entertainment center, whined because I wouldn't let him watch a truck video, cried because I wouldn't let him swan-dive on Luke AGAIN, I kept yelling at the dog to GIT. OUT. OF. THE. WAY, my text alert from Matt (that he was on his way home) reminded me that dinner was far from being done, glitter was spread everywhere from Levi pulling out all of the decorations, and Levi was far more interested in the Santa Claus piggy bank that still had a few pennies in it.
BUUUT - the 2D Christmas Tree is up and so is the Blow Up St. Christopher Doll. We'll keep working on making it meaningful, right?
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Resurrection
There's a reason it's been so long.
Well, there are at least two reasons, one of them being smaller, chubbier, and bossier than the other one.
You see, I suffer from a very fatal flaw as a "writer" (if that's what you can call what I do, on this wildly uncreative blog). I can only - ONLY - write spontaneously. I cannot start a post and table it for later; I cannot schedule time to write a post. Nope. An idea will hit me, I can marinate in it for a day or two, play around with the words in my mind, but once I sit down to write it, I have to write it from start to finish or it will never be completed.
Not exactly a writing style that is compatible with the life I have right now.
Well, there are at least two reasons, one of them being smaller, chubbier, and bossier than the other one.
You see, I suffer from a very fatal flaw as a "writer" (if that's what you can call what I do, on this wildly uncreative blog). I can only - ONLY - write spontaneously. I cannot start a post and table it for later; I cannot schedule time to write a post. Nope. An idea will hit me, I can marinate in it for a day or two, play around with the words in my mind, but once I sit down to write it, I have to write it from start to finish or it will never be completed.
Not exactly a writing style that is compatible with the life I have right now.
This is how I feel most of the time, most days.
If I thought my time was not my own with one little boy, it is abjectly not my own with two. (Is abjectly a word?) People told us that adding a second child would be the most difficult transition yet...thereafter it gets easier. Well, we can testify to the first part with a hearty "amen" - and will just have to take their word for it on the latter because there will not be a "thereafter" in this household, of that we are assuredly decided.
In the spirit of resurrecting my poor blog, I wish I had a stirring post to write, but I don't at the moment. I will...soon enough. But right now, the sound of one child's eyelids closing awakens the other - even though moments before, that child could have slept thru a marching band riding on a garbage truck. So posts will have to remain steadfast in the steel trap of my mind while we ride through these upside-down weeks and months of having a bossy baby in the house.
Now that I have it started though, the posts will probably start to roll out as I seek a little solitude when everyone has gone to bed, forsaking sleep in exchange for a little bit of brain activity. :)
Welp, the dog just stuffed herself underneath the dangling toys of the baby's play mat and curled up on it. Her clear message that she's tired and misses her bed. I'm totally rolling here...but I should take that as my cue to wrap up and do the same...
...Good night, and please don't give up on my little blog.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
As a follow-up to my last post, I wanted to post this video that provides an awesome visual as to why RF is so important for our kiddos. Watch for the crash tests that demonstrate what happens in an accident. Thanks to one of my friends on one of the FB discussion forums that I'm on for posting this!
And then I'll crawl off my soap box and let you make your own decision. No judgment, just information so you can decide what's best for your family!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
The Bossy Nurse is IN
Okay. So. I'm pulling the bossy (I prefer to think "informative") nurse card and doing a blog post about car seats. A lot of people are having a baby soon. Or already had one. Or want to have one. And if there's one thing that all of them have in common, it's that to my knowledge none of them drive a horse and buggy. So, in some way, you'll have to obtain a car seat and need to know how to use it. And if there's anything I've learned in the past...ummmm....ten? years of being a nurse for new parents, one thing is very clear: we love to prepare for our babies. We love decorating, sewing, shopping, planning, cute-i-fying...but somehow, how to use that car seat is not on most people's radar.
So. Let me help you out. I promise I'll be way less dry than the instructions that you won't read anyway, my pictures are cuter than the drawings, and you'll probably find out something you didn't realize you needed to know.
I am NOT car seat certified. I would like to be. There are great resources online, and car seat inspections are FREE at most police departments and fire stations, and take about fifteen minutes. This is one of THE most important things you need to know as a parent, so please take that time on a Saturday or evening to do that.
First up: try to get a new seat. Hand-me-downs and those bought at a garage sale may NOT be safe. They should be no older than five years and NEVER in an accident. You don't know the exact history of a hand-me-down or second-hand seat. Granted, there are many people who can't afford a brand new seat, and a hand-me-down is better than none at all. But for the heavy investing that we all do in stuff to make the nursery cute, cut some of that out and splurge on the good seat instead if at all possible.
Second: Take the car seat out of the box and look at it. Before the baby is born. Put a teddy bear in and practice adjusting the straps. Legally, your nurse at the hospital can't do this for you, so you need to know what you're doing. Install the base (if you have one with the LATCH system and a car manufactured since...oh crud, I think 2002????, it's way easier than you think). Grind your knee into that base and pull the straps HARD. There should be no more than 1" of wiggle room either way.
Okay, so now your baby is born and you're looking at it and the car seat and don't quite know what to do. Here's a visual to help you:
WHO is that chubby-faced newborn? It's two-day-old Levi Gouveia!!! :) Levi's in a Chico (say "KEY-co!") Keyfit 30, which means he could still use it up to 30lbs, but I think he'd be pretty ticked if I put him in it now. The Chico is one of the most popular and well-rated ones on the market, but there are a lot of great seats out there.
So, notice a handful of things going on here:
1. Notice how tight the straps are. And not twisted. I tell parents, if it seems like you're strapping them in too tight, you're doing it right. You should not be able to pinch ANY strap on their shoulders or by their legs. Yes, he or she will cry and protest and make you feel awful. I prefer that to the alternative in an accident.
2. Notice where the chest clip is. It is NOT a belly clip and belongs between the armpits at the nipple line. It is designed to absorb energy in a crash and MUST be on the breastbone. If it's over the belly (where I see a lot of people position them), at best it won't do its job well, and at worst it can puncture the internal organs.
3. No after-market products to position his head. You know, those soft upside-down U-shaped things so their head doesn't bobble. Most infant seats come with one, and that's fine. But if it didn't come IN the box with the seat, the manufacturer does NOT want you to use it, and use of any positioning device - especially if you have to place it under the straps - will void any warranty on the seat. Pretty much any owner's manual will tell you not to use it. There are a lot of things on the market that make you feel like you need it, but don't do it. The same goes for those fleecy J. Cole (or whatever the name is) things that people insert in the seat for the winter. Get one of those covers for the seat that fits over it like a shower cap, but NOTHING that goes under the straps.
If your seat does NOT come with a positioning type of device, roll up receiving blankets and put them on the side of your baby's head. As long as nothing goes BEHIND the head or under the straps.
Soooo...what to do in cold weather? First, do not put your baby in a bunting, snow suit, coat, or anything like that. They are too puffy, will interfere with you adjusting the straps, and will decompress in a crash and some babies (yes, what I'm about to say is true) will fly right out of their coat and straps. Place your baby in his or her normal clothes in the seat, put on a hat and cover with a blanket. That's all you need. Your mom and mother-in-law (note: this was not the case with MY mother and MIL, but I hear a lot of grandmas protest when I tell my patients this) will think you're being cruel for not putting a big snow suit on the baby while she's in the car seat. Too bad. Not safe.
This is two-month-old Levi, which would be at the end of December. See? He's neither freezing nor unhappy. Your bundle won't be, either. :)
There's a handful of other things I could tell you, but that's a good start. When (WHEN!) you get your car seat inspected by a certified person, they will tell you even more. :)
Now. Your kid is 12 months old. Yay!!! Time to turn them around and forward face, right?
*Scoreboard buzzer sound* Maybe not so much.
Yes, according to most state laws, 12 months (or 20lbs, whichever comes first) is the legal time to turn them around forward facing. But the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends rear-facing for at LEAST two years. Facing your buddy forward has nothing to do with a rite of passage or being more mature. It's just something you can now legally do, but it's not necessarily the best thing.
Now, if you don't like this, don't shoot the messenger. I'm not judging you, calling you names, or pulling you off my FB friends list if you forward-face your kids. If you have protests or other thoughts about extended rear-facing, take some time to look up the research and decide for yourself what is best for your kiddo. I'm only informing.
The same rules apply to how to adjust the straps and chest clip. Levi is in a Britax (say "BRIGHT-ax") Marathon 70 from Target. It's not the super-duper-space-shuttle-ready car seat, but it got high scores on consumer and safety reports, and Britax is a great brand.
Q: Why rear face?
A: A toddler's head is still proportionally large to the rest of the body. For quite some time. It's the heaviest part of their body, and in even a minor rear-ending, will snap forward, and can even cause internal decapitation (look up "internal decapitation" on YouTube...it's a quick 1 or less video). When rear-facing, the seat cradles the body and head and absorbs the impact, rather than the limbs and head flinging forward. No whiplash.
Q: But the legs are all crunched up. They'll break in a crash.
A: It doesn't matter if their knees are against their nose. There is no evidence cited from any study indicating that rear-facing children break their legs in a crash...and these studies are typically done in Europe, where in many countries it is completely normal for kids to RF until four years old. Levi is a long kid and he sits criss-cross-applesauce, puts his feet all the way up on the back seat, or just sits spread-eagle. He's never complained.
And if you think of it, think of how you drive. Or sit as a passenger. Especially as the driver - and especially if you're tall - you don't get the luxury of extending your legs much. It's just the way it is. We deal with it; so can they.
Furthermore, and this sounds perhaps rather crass, but it's what sold me: Broken leg - cast it. Broken neck - casket.
Q: But my kid cries.
A: Too bad. You're the parent. Sometimes I have to have wrestling matches with Levi to get him in his seat, because he can push his feet against the back seat and levitate himself off the seat. So I tickle or blow on his tummy, or just plain old wrestle it out because I'm mom and I really don't care what he thinks about his position. I'd rather have him alive and not in a halo....of any sort.
There IS one huge disadvantage to rear-facing that I've seen:
Levi has never seen a train.
He's always facing the other way. Oh well. Someday, when he's in junior high and finally gets to see what's coming instead of what's already gone by, he'll see a train crossing. But he does sit high enough to see out the back window and the side windows, and very much enjoys wow-wow-wowing at trucks, cars, dogs, people, and everything else. He in no way rides in a deprived manner.
There is a LOT more that can be said about rear-facing and the physics of crash forces that support extended rear-facing, but I'm not nearly on the uptake enough to speak to all of it, but I will say that it's compelling enough that I would not be surprised if it became law soon to rear-face your kids until the age of 2. YouTube it, Google it, ask the car seat inspector about it WHEN you go for your initial (free!!!) inspection. For all the energy we put into their cuteness and their diet and their discipline and their social-ness and their intelligence, this is definitely worth the small time investment to learn what's safest for all the time they will spend in the car.
I'm sorry for the long and boring post, but I don't spend precious Levi nap time blogging about things that I really don't care about. I really, really, REALLY feel strongly about car seat safety, so please take this info to heart. If you look around there are TOO many babies and toddlers incorrectly secured and it IS a matter of life and death for them, and if we as parents can spend however much time on Facebook, we can spend time researching what keeps them safest. Right?
So. Let me help you out. I promise I'll be way less dry than the instructions that you won't read anyway, my pictures are cuter than the drawings, and you'll probably find out something you didn't realize you needed to know.
I am NOT car seat certified. I would like to be. There are great resources online, and car seat inspections are FREE at most police departments and fire stations, and take about fifteen minutes. This is one of THE most important things you need to know as a parent, so please take that time on a Saturday or evening to do that.
First up: try to get a new seat. Hand-me-downs and those bought at a garage sale may NOT be safe. They should be no older than five years and NEVER in an accident. You don't know the exact history of a hand-me-down or second-hand seat. Granted, there are many people who can't afford a brand new seat, and a hand-me-down is better than none at all. But for the heavy investing that we all do in stuff to make the nursery cute, cut some of that out and splurge on the good seat instead if at all possible.
Second: Take the car seat out of the box and look at it. Before the baby is born. Put a teddy bear in and practice adjusting the straps. Legally, your nurse at the hospital can't do this for you, so you need to know what you're doing. Install the base (if you have one with the LATCH system and a car manufactured since...oh crud, I think 2002????, it's way easier than you think). Grind your knee into that base and pull the straps HARD. There should be no more than 1" of wiggle room either way.
Okay, so now your baby is born and you're looking at it and the car seat and don't quite know what to do. Here's a visual to help you:
WHO is that chubby-faced newborn? It's two-day-old Levi Gouveia!!! :) Levi's in a Chico (say "KEY-co!") Keyfit 30, which means he could still use it up to 30lbs, but I think he'd be pretty ticked if I put him in it now. The Chico is one of the most popular and well-rated ones on the market, but there are a lot of great seats out there.
So, notice a handful of things going on here:
1. Notice how tight the straps are. And not twisted. I tell parents, if it seems like you're strapping them in too tight, you're doing it right. You should not be able to pinch ANY strap on their shoulders or by their legs. Yes, he or she will cry and protest and make you feel awful. I prefer that to the alternative in an accident.
2. Notice where the chest clip is. It is NOT a belly clip and belongs between the armpits at the nipple line. It is designed to absorb energy in a crash and MUST be on the breastbone. If it's over the belly (where I see a lot of people position them), at best it won't do its job well, and at worst it can puncture the internal organs.
3. No after-market products to position his head. You know, those soft upside-down U-shaped things so their head doesn't bobble. Most infant seats come with one, and that's fine. But if it didn't come IN the box with the seat, the manufacturer does NOT want you to use it, and use of any positioning device - especially if you have to place it under the straps - will void any warranty on the seat. Pretty much any owner's manual will tell you not to use it. There are a lot of things on the market that make you feel like you need it, but don't do it. The same goes for those fleecy J. Cole (or whatever the name is) things that people insert in the seat for the winter. Get one of those covers for the seat that fits over it like a shower cap, but NOTHING that goes under the straps.
If your seat does NOT come with a positioning type of device, roll up receiving blankets and put them on the side of your baby's head. As long as nothing goes BEHIND the head or under the straps.
Soooo...what to do in cold weather? First, do not put your baby in a bunting, snow suit, coat, or anything like that. They are too puffy, will interfere with you adjusting the straps, and will decompress in a crash and some babies (yes, what I'm about to say is true) will fly right out of their coat and straps. Place your baby in his or her normal clothes in the seat, put on a hat and cover with a blanket. That's all you need. Your mom and mother-in-law (note: this was not the case with MY mother and MIL, but I hear a lot of grandmas protest when I tell my patients this) will think you're being cruel for not putting a big snow suit on the baby while she's in the car seat. Too bad. Not safe.
This is two-month-old Levi, which would be at the end of December. See? He's neither freezing nor unhappy. Your bundle won't be, either. :)
There's a handful of other things I could tell you, but that's a good start. When (WHEN!) you get your car seat inspected by a certified person, they will tell you even more. :)
Now. Your kid is 12 months old. Yay!!! Time to turn them around and forward face, right?
*Scoreboard buzzer sound* Maybe not so much.
Yes, according to most state laws, 12 months (or 20lbs, whichever comes first) is the legal time to turn them around forward facing. But the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends rear-facing for at LEAST two years. Facing your buddy forward has nothing to do with a rite of passage or being more mature. It's just something you can now legally do, but it's not necessarily the best thing.
Now, if you don't like this, don't shoot the messenger. I'm not judging you, calling you names, or pulling you off my FB friends list if you forward-face your kids. If you have protests or other thoughts about extended rear-facing, take some time to look up the research and decide for yourself what is best for your kiddo. I'm only informing.
The same rules apply to how to adjust the straps and chest clip. Levi is in a Britax (say "BRIGHT-ax") Marathon 70 from Target. It's not the super-duper-space-shuttle-ready car seat, but it got high scores on consumer and safety reports, and Britax is a great brand.
Q: Why rear face?
A: A toddler's head is still proportionally large to the rest of the body. For quite some time. It's the heaviest part of their body, and in even a minor rear-ending, will snap forward, and can even cause internal decapitation (look up "internal decapitation" on YouTube...it's a quick 1 or less video). When rear-facing, the seat cradles the body and head and absorbs the impact, rather than the limbs and head flinging forward. No whiplash.
Q: But the legs are all crunched up. They'll break in a crash.
A: It doesn't matter if their knees are against their nose. There is no evidence cited from any study indicating that rear-facing children break their legs in a crash...and these studies are typically done in Europe, where in many countries it is completely normal for kids to RF until four years old. Levi is a long kid and he sits criss-cross-applesauce, puts his feet all the way up on the back seat, or just sits spread-eagle. He's never complained.
And if you think of it, think of how you drive. Or sit as a passenger. Especially as the driver - and especially if you're tall - you don't get the luxury of extending your legs much. It's just the way it is. We deal with it; so can they.
Furthermore, and this sounds perhaps rather crass, but it's what sold me: Broken leg - cast it. Broken neck - casket.
Q: But my kid cries.
A: Too bad. You're the parent. Sometimes I have to have wrestling matches with Levi to get him in his seat, because he can push his feet against the back seat and levitate himself off the seat. So I tickle or blow on his tummy, or just plain old wrestle it out because I'm mom and I really don't care what he thinks about his position. I'd rather have him alive and not in a halo....of any sort.
There IS one huge disadvantage to rear-facing that I've seen:
Levi has never seen a train.
He's always facing the other way. Oh well. Someday, when he's in junior high and finally gets to see what's coming instead of what's already gone by, he'll see a train crossing. But he does sit high enough to see out the back window and the side windows, and very much enjoys wow-wow-wowing at trucks, cars, dogs, people, and everything else. He in no way rides in a deprived manner.
There is a LOT more that can be said about rear-facing and the physics of crash forces that support extended rear-facing, but I'm not nearly on the uptake enough to speak to all of it, but I will say that it's compelling enough that I would not be surprised if it became law soon to rear-face your kids until the age of 2. YouTube it, Google it, ask the car seat inspector about it WHEN you go for your initial (free!!!) inspection. For all the energy we put into their cuteness and their diet and their discipline and their social-ness and their intelligence, this is definitely worth the small time investment to learn what's safest for all the time they will spend in the car.
I'm sorry for the long and boring post, but I don't spend precious Levi nap time blogging about things that I really don't care about. I really, really, REALLY feel strongly about car seat safety, so please take this info to heart. If you look around there are TOO many babies and toddlers incorrectly secured and it IS a matter of life and death for them, and if we as parents can spend however much time on Facebook, we can spend time researching what keeps them safest. Right?
Friday, June 29, 2012
Twenty Months
I'm not normally one to post all about Levi or hallmark his milestones...partly because I'm lazy, and partly because I like to write and think about something else.
But....today I will make an exception. :)
My little boy - my baby!! - is 20 months old today.
In the past two weeks, his vocabulary has exploded. He's always been a "talker" but nothing terribly sophisticated. He invents his own words, or applies the same word to several things ("ba-ba" could be ball, Bible, or about three other things). But recently he's been way more bold about actually mimicking what we say, and stringing two words together.
He loves his books.
He loves his daddy.
He loves to wear hats.
This is how he puts on his own hat. Gangsta-style. :)
He loves doing something he thinks is hysterical and has a telltale squeal of delight that informs me, "You have GOT to come and check this out!"
Like here. I came out of his room to see poor Molly looking like, "I hate my life."
He hates making messes and will pull out a cloth to wipe up his spills (oh, if only I could remain in the delusion that this will continue through the teen years!)
.
But he loves emptying drawers.
He's an amazing hugger. Like choke-hold.
He has an incredible laugh. I tell Matt that I wish I could bottle it up, and several years from now when he's out of the house, I can just uncap the bottle and listen to the infectious bubbly-ness of his giggle.
He knows he has a brother coming and knows he's in my tummy (though sometimes he'll point to Matt's or his own tummy). He knows that his family consists of Mama, Papa, and _______.
He loves to imitate blowing his nose and throwing away the kleenex. Last week at Meijer a man nearby sneezed and blew his nose and Levi about died laughing and started imitating him. Which made the man crack up. Which made Levi ham it up even more. I really need to start charging for this little one-man act at the grocery store.
He loves taking out the garbage. One scrap of paper or plastic shall not fall in our house without him whisking it up and demanding it be thrown away instantly. Dog hair tumbleweeds shall not exist in our house without him pulling out the Dust Buster and demanding it be taking care of. Immediately.
He exhausts us. The kid has unparalleled energy. Getting out the door in less than 20 minutes is a monumental feat.
His heart is just as desperate for a Savior as our own. Sowing seeds of grace into it every day is our greatest task.
We want him to be polite; but we don't want his manners to create a pridefulness that will give him cause to look down on others who are less "refined."
We want him to be intelligent; but we don't want him to think that success in the eyes of the world is the measure of his worth.
We want him to know the Lord; but we don't want him to make a profession of faith out of wanting to please his parents.
We want him to follow rules; but we don't want him to be crushed by rules and lawfulness. We hope he will be crushed by the tremendous and awesome grace and conviction of the Holy Spirit, and know that obedience follows a heart full of gratitude and love.
We want him to understand that he's not a "good boy" because he is inherently good of his own accord; rather that he is "good" before an awesome Lord because of the sanctifying work of Christ on his behalf.
What a tremendous weight of responsibility.
What a tremendous honor.
We love you, sweet Levi.
But....today I will make an exception. :)
My little boy - my baby!! - is 20 months old today.
In the past two weeks, his vocabulary has exploded. He's always been a "talker" but nothing terribly sophisticated. He invents his own words, or applies the same word to several things ("ba-ba" could be ball, Bible, or about three other things). But recently he's been way more bold about actually mimicking what we say, and stringing two words together.
He loves his books.
He loves his daddy.
He loves to wear hats.
This is how he puts on his own hat. Gangsta-style. :)
He loves doing something he thinks is hysterical and has a telltale squeal of delight that informs me, "You have GOT to come and check this out!"
Like here. I came out of his room to see poor Molly looking like, "I hate my life."
He hates making messes and will pull out a cloth to wipe up his spills (oh, if only I could remain in the delusion that this will continue through the teen years!)
.
But he loves emptying drawers.
He's an amazing hugger. Like choke-hold.
He has an incredible laugh. I tell Matt that I wish I could bottle it up, and several years from now when he's out of the house, I can just uncap the bottle and listen to the infectious bubbly-ness of his giggle.
He knows he has a brother coming and knows he's in my tummy (though sometimes he'll point to Matt's or his own tummy). He knows that his family consists of Mama, Papa, and _______.
He loves to imitate blowing his nose and throwing away the kleenex. Last week at Meijer a man nearby sneezed and blew his nose and Levi about died laughing and started imitating him. Which made the man crack up. Which made Levi ham it up even more. I really need to start charging for this little one-man act at the grocery store.
He loves taking out the garbage. One scrap of paper or plastic shall not fall in our house without him whisking it up and demanding it be thrown away instantly. Dog hair tumbleweeds shall not exist in our house without him pulling out the Dust Buster and demanding it be taking care of. Immediately.
He exhausts us. The kid has unparalleled energy. Getting out the door in less than 20 minutes is a monumental feat.
His heart is just as desperate for a Savior as our own. Sowing seeds of grace into it every day is our greatest task.
We want him to be polite; but we don't want his manners to create a pridefulness that will give him cause to look down on others who are less "refined."
We want him to be intelligent; but we don't want him to think that success in the eyes of the world is the measure of his worth.
We want him to know the Lord; but we don't want him to make a profession of faith out of wanting to please his parents.
We want him to follow rules; but we don't want him to be crushed by rules and lawfulness. We hope he will be crushed by the tremendous and awesome grace and conviction of the Holy Spirit, and know that obedience follows a heart full of gratitude and love.
We want him to understand that he's not a "good boy" because he is inherently good of his own accord; rather that he is "good" before an awesome Lord because of the sanctifying work of Christ on his behalf.
What a tremendous weight of responsibility.
What a tremendous honor.
We love you, sweet Levi.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Would you have known what to do??????
Soooooo...I was confronted with an awkward situation not too long ago. It was one of those things that you, upon reading this, will probably be able to say, "Oh my word, I would totally have done/said/called ________..." because it seems painfully (and should be painfully) obvious. If you wrote this and I read it, I would think the same thing. But you really never know until you're in it, and I found that I clearly did not do the right thing. So out of mild embarrassment, and sort of as a public service announcement, I present you with said situation, and the correct solution at the end. :)
You pull up to a store. Say, a Christian book store, in the late morning. There are few cars in the lot, and HAHA!!! there's a primo spot right up by the door. You park, next to an SUV that is also directly in front of the door and large display windows.
You get out to wrest your child out of his car seat, and note the SUV - black, windows cracked, engine running, no one in the car. You think sarcastically, "Sure wish I were rich enough to keep my car running while I shop.." and then inwardly chastise yourself for thinking haughty sarcastic thoughts in front of - a Christian bookstore. ;)
And then you look again - at the risk of being snoopy, because the windows are very tinted - and are completely taken aback. A little boy is looking back at you...no older than Levi's age...from his car seat. At the risk of being even more snoopy, you cup your hand around your eyes against the window to make sure there isn't a grandparent, sibling, or anyone else there. There isn't. The boy looks content. He's not crying. The day is becoming very warm but the sun is on the other side of the building so he's very much in the shade....and.....well...this is weird to see a kid by himself in a running car.......
You justify to yourself - how many times have you thought, "Doggone it - I do *NOT* want to unbuckle _____ AGAIN just to run into Walgreens for three seconds." And then again, you inwardly chastise yourself at those moments,thinking - it takes a split second, the wrong person in the right place at the right time, the brake slips, the engine spontaneously combusts, whatever....and I'd live with my regret for the rest of my life. Nope, can't do that, and so you unbuckle him. Again.
Maybe the mom ran in for a quick second and is watching the car like a hawk. Yeah, that must be it. If you were at the grocery store, that would be a no-brainer - huge parking lot, kid alone in vehicle = a call to the police. But this is a tiny bookstore...in a small parking lot...in front of the large windows...does that change things?????
So you go in the store. Not a soul - not even a cashier - can be immediately seen. A small handful of people shopping there. You later figure out that the woman who was literally sitting in the Bible aisle, surrounded by Bibles and books, completely surrounded by large bookshelves and clearly immersed in her choices, is the mother of the boy in the car.
Do you.......
Confront her???
Grab the license plate number and call the police?
What do you do???
Confronting her is a sticky enterprise. No doubt it'll not be received well - even if you're clearly in the right.
Calling the police seems sticky - will you have to wait there and be questioned? Can you remain anonymous? How do you remain anonymous when your car is clearly the one right next to hers, it'll be pretty easy to conclude it was you who called...and maybe she's a really awesome mom. And now she's open to a CPS investigation that could entirely ruin the next few weeks for her. What's the fallout of that???
So you do the worst possible thing...nothing. She spends her sweet time in the store, debates about getting her new Bible engraved, and then drives off. Nothing happened to her toddler. She probably will do it again.
I did nothing. And I'm kicking myself for it. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt - I mean, there's a REASON I don't go to bookstores or any place that requires me to stand still for more than three seconds to make a decision. Taking an antsy little boy into the bookstore is a recipe for frustration at best. That day I had my mom with me, so we could tag team while we looked at what we wanted while Levi systematically dismantled the Veggie Tales display, touched every book, keychain, and bookmark, and gawked at the candy. That lady was by herself. Undoubtedly, she did what she did so she could actually take her time. I get it.
But it was still........and I'm really not trying to judge HER, just make a discernment on this one decision........a very stupid thing to do. Maybe our parents could do it 30 years ago, I don't know. It's just...it only takes a split second. And your baby is gone. No trip to any store, no amount of peace and quiet, is worth that.
So what should you do???
Well, Matt works - (well, this is his last day, he's now an employee at Gentex in Zeeland!!!! WOOOOOOH!! No more commute!!!! - but that's a different post for a different day) in Grand Rapids police department. He asked one of his cop friends. The right thing to do is take the license plate number and call the police and let them handle it. Confronting invariably leads to a confrontation that becomes an issue between you and the other person, and then it's on a totally different level of problematic. In this case, assuming this is a normal mom with no prior "history," she'd get a quick visit from CPS with an admonition on why this should never be done, and then hopefully it's a done deal. (And FYI - evidently the fact that the car was running puts it on a whole different level, apparently, and she could have been charged with abandonment.)
Soooo...if this happens again, I'll know what to do. I hope it doesn't, but if it happens to you, don't make the same mistake I did and do nothing. If something popped up on the news that night about that little boy, I would feel partially to blame, basically standing by and doing nothing when I could have. It was just one of those instances that in retrospect - or even in theory - seems terribly obvious, but when you're in it, you're like UHHHHHHH.....UHHHHHHH....and we all hate those moments. So, learn from my mental oblivion and don't let this happen again :) And it's just another reminder that it IS worth it to do the carseat-wrestling-match multiple times.
You pull up to a store. Say, a Christian book store, in the late morning. There are few cars in the lot, and HAHA!!! there's a primo spot right up by the door. You park, next to an SUV that is also directly in front of the door and large display windows.
You get out to wrest your child out of his car seat, and note the SUV - black, windows cracked, engine running, no one in the car. You think sarcastically, "Sure wish I were rich enough to keep my car running while I shop.." and then inwardly chastise yourself for thinking haughty sarcastic thoughts in front of - a Christian bookstore. ;)
And then you look again - at the risk of being snoopy, because the windows are very tinted - and are completely taken aback. A little boy is looking back at you...no older than Levi's age...from his car seat. At the risk of being even more snoopy, you cup your hand around your eyes against the window to make sure there isn't a grandparent, sibling, or anyone else there. There isn't. The boy looks content. He's not crying. The day is becoming very warm but the sun is on the other side of the building so he's very much in the shade....and.....well...this is weird to see a kid by himself in a running car.......
You justify to yourself - how many times have you thought, "Doggone it - I do *NOT* want to unbuckle _____ AGAIN just to run into Walgreens for three seconds." And then again, you inwardly chastise yourself at those moments,thinking - it takes a split second, the wrong person in the right place at the right time, the brake slips, the engine spontaneously combusts, whatever....and I'd live with my regret for the rest of my life. Nope, can't do that, and so you unbuckle him. Again.
Maybe the mom ran in for a quick second and is watching the car like a hawk. Yeah, that must be it. If you were at the grocery store, that would be a no-brainer - huge parking lot, kid alone in vehicle = a call to the police. But this is a tiny bookstore...in a small parking lot...in front of the large windows...does that change things?????
So you go in the store. Not a soul - not even a cashier - can be immediately seen. A small handful of people shopping there. You later figure out that the woman who was literally sitting in the Bible aisle, surrounded by Bibles and books, completely surrounded by large bookshelves and clearly immersed in her choices, is the mother of the boy in the car.
Do you.......
Confront her???
Grab the license plate number and call the police?
What do you do???
Confronting her is a sticky enterprise. No doubt it'll not be received well - even if you're clearly in the right.
Calling the police seems sticky - will you have to wait there and be questioned? Can you remain anonymous? How do you remain anonymous when your car is clearly the one right next to hers, it'll be pretty easy to conclude it was you who called...and maybe she's a really awesome mom. And now she's open to a CPS investigation that could entirely ruin the next few weeks for her. What's the fallout of that???
So you do the worst possible thing...nothing. She spends her sweet time in the store, debates about getting her new Bible engraved, and then drives off. Nothing happened to her toddler. She probably will do it again.
I did nothing. And I'm kicking myself for it. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt - I mean, there's a REASON I don't go to bookstores or any place that requires me to stand still for more than three seconds to make a decision. Taking an antsy little boy into the bookstore is a recipe for frustration at best. That day I had my mom with me, so we could tag team while we looked at what we wanted while Levi systematically dismantled the Veggie Tales display, touched every book, keychain, and bookmark, and gawked at the candy. That lady was by herself. Undoubtedly, she did what she did so she could actually take her time. I get it.
But it was still........and I'm really not trying to judge HER, just make a discernment on this one decision........a very stupid thing to do. Maybe our parents could do it 30 years ago, I don't know. It's just...it only takes a split second. And your baby is gone. No trip to any store, no amount of peace and quiet, is worth that.
So what should you do???
Well, Matt works - (well, this is his last day, he's now an employee at Gentex in Zeeland!!!! WOOOOOOH!! No more commute!!!! - but that's a different post for a different day) in Grand Rapids police department. He asked one of his cop friends. The right thing to do is take the license plate number and call the police and let them handle it. Confronting invariably leads to a confrontation that becomes an issue between you and the other person, and then it's on a totally different level of problematic. In this case, assuming this is a normal mom with no prior "history," she'd get a quick visit from CPS with an admonition on why this should never be done, and then hopefully it's a done deal. (And FYI - evidently the fact that the car was running puts it on a whole different level, apparently, and she could have been charged with abandonment.)
Soooo...if this happens again, I'll know what to do. I hope it doesn't, but if it happens to you, don't make the same mistake I did and do nothing. If something popped up on the news that night about that little boy, I would feel partially to blame, basically standing by and doing nothing when I could have. It was just one of those instances that in retrospect - or even in theory - seems terribly obvious, but when you're in it, you're like UHHHHHHH.....UHHHHHHH....and we all hate those moments. So, learn from my mental oblivion and don't let this happen again :) And it's just another reminder that it IS worth it to do the carseat-wrestling-match multiple times.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Judgmental
Well, after nearly two years of not-very-in-depth but definitely experiential research, I have reached a conclusion. I can now name the most judgmental group of people I have ever encountered...and perhaps that group will surprise you...drumroll....
Moms.
I am going to start this post by saying that I am the president of the Judgmental Mom club and I am directing my remarks as much at myself as anyone else, so your finger can point right at me and I will not - cannot - argue or defend myself.
Is there any one group of people that is more bent on sizing each other up and drawing swords - yet more in need of encouragement - than any other? The battle lines are endless, they criss-cross, connect, zig-zag - they're all over the map. Just like our thoughts and emotions. It's a mess. The homebirth moms vs. the medically-mediated-birth moms. The Babywise moms vs. Attachment Parents. Co-sleepers vs. Ferberizers. Vax vs. no-vax. Breastfeeders vs. formula. EXTENDED breastfeeders vs. those who quit before or at a year. Discipline methods. Food choices. Home schooling or public? Dating, courting, or "dourting?" Curfews. College or no college. We have thoughts, opinions, and blog posts to splash on Facebook to back up our views, from celebrities, pastors, and "mommy blogs."
Let's just get it all out in the open that we ALL feel insecure, like bumbling fools with these tender little hearts to raise, and we don't have a clue. We all wake up some mornings and think, How am I going to do this again today? It's fun to post pictures of our pudgy babies and silly kids on blogs and Facebook, but the reality is that having your hand at the plow to your child's heart is work, more work than you ever believed, and you'd sure like to see someone doing it worse than you, because it makes you feel a whole lot better about the ludicrous act you feel like you're pulling sometimes.
Right? Right?!
I read a post recently that gave me the encouragement AND conviction I needed (it's a shorty, I highly recommend checking it out). And that post is the springboard for the following thoughts and reality checks -
1. Christ gave us freedom in our decisions (Romans 14:16). All of our arguments and stances and positions are preferences - and yes, many of them are backed up by much research and there are clearly some things that are better than others - BUT - they are still decisions we can freely make when we want to do what's best for our families. It becomes a problem, as the author of the blog post sagely pointed out, when we use our preferences and decisions to build a fortress around ourselves inside which only those who have made the same decisions are welcome - and deem everyone else around us ignorant and stupid.
2. The condition of our child's heart and soul are the most important (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). Obviously, diet and education and reading to your kids and bonding and loving and adapting good sleep habits and all that are terribly important. But let's not construct idols while we're doing these things. God has a LOT to tell us in His Word about parenting...and it's all in the context of raising wise and discerning people (just about every verse in Proverbs), children who love Him and His law (Psalm 1), and who keep their way pure by guarding it according to His Word (Psalm 119). And even then we have no guarantee. You can do flashcards from sunup to sundown with your kiddo, and he may never be ahead of the other kids in reading. And you can instruct and train your child's heart and they may still rebel. Adam and Eve rebelled and they had the perfect Father and the perfect environment. Our kids will make their own choices no matter HOW hard we try to keep their feet from going to the left or to the right.
3. The Lord hates haughty eyes (Proverbs 6:17). There is simply no room for any of us to look down on each other for how we discipline (obviously I am not excusing abuse, I assume I don't really need to clarify that), what we feed our families, whether or not we vaccinate, etc. This comes down to a pride issue and there's no room for that in our relationships.
And finally...
4. The opposite of judgment is encouragement (Ephesians 4:29). A huge shout-out to my neighbor, Tab Wolters, for coining this very profound and simple truth!! We moms (women in general!!) need to encourage each other at every opportunity!!! In agreement or disagreement, the bottom line is we love our kids and would die for them. We make decisions for them that we truly believe is best. Whether we feed them green smoothies or milkshakes from McDonald's, we just plain love 'em and can't believe they've been entrusted to our care.
So join me in laying it down, ladies. :)
Moms.
I am going to start this post by saying that I am the president of the Judgmental Mom club and I am directing my remarks as much at myself as anyone else, so your finger can point right at me and I will not - cannot - argue or defend myself.
Is there any one group of people that is more bent on sizing each other up and drawing swords - yet more in need of encouragement - than any other? The battle lines are endless, they criss-cross, connect, zig-zag - they're all over the map. Just like our thoughts and emotions. It's a mess. The homebirth moms vs. the medically-mediated-birth moms. The Babywise moms vs. Attachment Parents. Co-sleepers vs. Ferberizers. Vax vs. no-vax. Breastfeeders vs. formula. EXTENDED breastfeeders vs. those who quit before or at a year. Discipline methods. Food choices. Home schooling or public? Dating, courting, or "dourting?" Curfews. College or no college. We have thoughts, opinions, and blog posts to splash on Facebook to back up our views, from celebrities, pastors, and "mommy blogs."
Let's just get it all out in the open that we ALL feel insecure, like bumbling fools with these tender little hearts to raise, and we don't have a clue. We all wake up some mornings and think, How am I going to do this again today? It's fun to post pictures of our pudgy babies and silly kids on blogs and Facebook, but the reality is that having your hand at the plow to your child's heart is work, more work than you ever believed, and you'd sure like to see someone doing it worse than you, because it makes you feel a whole lot better about the ludicrous act you feel like you're pulling sometimes.
Right? Right?!
I read a post recently that gave me the encouragement AND conviction I needed (it's a shorty, I highly recommend checking it out). And that post is the springboard for the following thoughts and reality checks -
1. Christ gave us freedom in our decisions (Romans 14:16). All of our arguments and stances and positions are preferences - and yes, many of them are backed up by much research and there are clearly some things that are better than others - BUT - they are still decisions we can freely make when we want to do what's best for our families. It becomes a problem, as the author of the blog post sagely pointed out, when we use our preferences and decisions to build a fortress around ourselves inside which only those who have made the same decisions are welcome - and deem everyone else around us ignorant and stupid.
2. The condition of our child's heart and soul are the most important (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). Obviously, diet and education and reading to your kids and bonding and loving and adapting good sleep habits and all that are terribly important. But let's not construct idols while we're doing these things. God has a LOT to tell us in His Word about parenting...and it's all in the context of raising wise and discerning people (just about every verse in Proverbs), children who love Him and His law (Psalm 1), and who keep their way pure by guarding it according to His Word (Psalm 119). And even then we have no guarantee. You can do flashcards from sunup to sundown with your kiddo, and he may never be ahead of the other kids in reading. And you can instruct and train your child's heart and they may still rebel. Adam and Eve rebelled and they had the perfect Father and the perfect environment. Our kids will make their own choices no matter HOW hard we try to keep their feet from going to the left or to the right.
3. The Lord hates haughty eyes (Proverbs 6:17). There is simply no room for any of us to look down on each other for how we discipline (obviously I am not excusing abuse, I assume I don't really need to clarify that), what we feed our families, whether or not we vaccinate, etc. This comes down to a pride issue and there's no room for that in our relationships.
And finally...
4. The opposite of judgment is encouragement (Ephesians 4:29). A huge shout-out to my neighbor, Tab Wolters, for coining this very profound and simple truth!! We moms (women in general!!) need to encourage each other at every opportunity!!! In agreement or disagreement, the bottom line is we love our kids and would die for them. We make decisions for them that we truly believe is best. Whether we feed them green smoothies or milkshakes from McDonald's, we just plain love 'em and can't believe they've been entrusted to our care.
So join me in laying it down, ladies. :)
Friday, March 30, 2012
Another one of those days
Apparently Levi is afraid of thunder this year.
I found that out this morning when we had about five mild rumbles of thunder. My normally relatively-collected son morphed into a barnacle clinging to me for dear life. For hours. I have never seen him so absolutely crumpled.
Moms who have high-strung, clingy, and needy kids, I salute you. Some kids are just born that way. Mine wasn't, THANK GOODNESS (but #2 might, I can't speak too soon). How you get anything done is beyond me.
So we spent the morning absolutely entwined...there were times when he clung so tightly to me I really didn't even need to hold on to him myself. I somehow managed to sweep while he ate breakfast (thankfully, food trumps even fear for him), vacuum while he stood on my feet and buried his face in my pajama pants, put beef stew in the crock pot (mind you, to distract him from the thunder I did a tutorial - on the floor, with my cutting board and garlic press - on how to cut, peel, and mince garlic), and do five loads of laundry. Hey man, we have a busy weekend that includes me working tomorrow and all of this was front-burner stuff, thunder-fear, barnacles, or not. Meanwhile, I'm huffing and puffing like the fat kid on the playground while carrying 25 pounds of raw anxiety, thanks to being pregnant.
When he wasn't afraid, he was just full of it. I'm making lunch and little hands are grabbing at everything on the counter, pulling things off the table, launching into the fridge. No. No-no. No we don't touch that. No. Please stop. No-no. I said no, Levi. He wants to touch the toilet, the garbage, everything gross in the house. Everything we tell him not to touch every. single. day. He's spilling the dog's water. He watches Molly eat like a HAWK and won't let me get anything done until I've refilled the bowl right then and there. I fold laundry, he unfolds it. I fill, he empties. I put away, he takes out.
I'm not writing this to complain. I have zero spiritual application here nor will I try to find one. It's just one of those days, and I'm exceedingly grateful that these days are few and far between for me!! I'm BEAT! And it's only 1 in the afternoon!! I about sang with sweet relief when I put him down for his nap (I think he did too)!
What am I going to do with two??? How do you moms out there with three, four, or more kids do it?? Augh!
I found that out this morning when we had about five mild rumbles of thunder. My normally relatively-collected son morphed into a barnacle clinging to me for dear life. For hours. I have never seen him so absolutely crumpled.
Moms who have high-strung, clingy, and needy kids, I salute you. Some kids are just born that way. Mine wasn't, THANK GOODNESS (but #2 might, I can't speak too soon). How you get anything done is beyond me.
So we spent the morning absolutely entwined...there were times when he clung so tightly to me I really didn't even need to hold on to him myself. I somehow managed to sweep while he ate breakfast (thankfully, food trumps even fear for him), vacuum while he stood on my feet and buried his face in my pajama pants, put beef stew in the crock pot (mind you, to distract him from the thunder I did a tutorial - on the floor, with my cutting board and garlic press - on how to cut, peel, and mince garlic), and do five loads of laundry. Hey man, we have a busy weekend that includes me working tomorrow and all of this was front-burner stuff, thunder-fear, barnacles, or not. Meanwhile, I'm huffing and puffing like the fat kid on the playground while carrying 25 pounds of raw anxiety, thanks to being pregnant.
When he wasn't afraid, he was just full of it. I'm making lunch and little hands are grabbing at everything on the counter, pulling things off the table, launching into the fridge. No. No-no. No we don't touch that. No. Please stop. No-no. I said no, Levi. He wants to touch the toilet, the garbage, everything gross in the house. Everything we tell him not to touch every. single. day. He's spilling the dog's water. He watches Molly eat like a HAWK and won't let me get anything done until I've refilled the bowl right then and there. I fold laundry, he unfolds it. I fill, he empties. I put away, he takes out.
I'm not writing this to complain. I have zero spiritual application here nor will I try to find one. It's just one of those days, and I'm exceedingly grateful that these days are few and far between for me!! I'm BEAT! And it's only 1 in the afternoon!! I about sang with sweet relief when I put him down for his nap (I think he did too)!
What am I going to do with two??? How do you moms out there with three, four, or more kids do it?? Augh!
Monday, March 19, 2012
No guilt
I'm sitting here blogging and should be doing dinner prep.
I did a ton of housework this morning while I feel like I should have been playing with my little boy. After all, we've all read the poem about finger prints on the wall or whatever.
I gave my kid a sucker at my OB appointment this morning so he'd be occupied. It should have been an organic, non-GMO, gluten-free cracker or something like that (not dogging it, I have all those things)...but he really loves his "doctor appointment sucker" and gobbles it with reckless abandonment.
His lunch should have been colorful, thoughtfully and excitingly displayed...but it was a piece of torn up turkey lunchmeat, a hastily-cut piece of co-jack cheese, and some older-than-necessary cantaloupe, basically all thrown in one bowl (because I needed to make it to said OB appointment).
Aren't you so sick of shoulds? And feeling guilty? What's that all about?
I've worn a mantle of guilt since Levi made his roaring entrance two Octobers ago. You?
I've never had professional pictures taken of Levi. No chubby baby spilling out of a basket or wearing a sock monkey hat. No heartwarming photo of the three of us walking in a field together. Nada. I gave up taking many pictures of him at all because A) he won't stop moving for a nanosecond, and B) every picture ends up being of his hand reaching to the camera and his face threatening to cry.
He eats like a barbarian. He knows how to use a spoon and fork, and I've been pretty impressed when he actually takes up the effort. But he'd rather plow thru his food as a ten-finger experience rather than be neat. And I'm okay with that. The three of us enjoy dinner together, Matt and I enjoy conversation, and Levi eats with reckless abandonment (notice a theme?). He's pretty neat about it, it all ends up mostly in his mouth, and he's not picky. Not terribly civilized, but I'll take it.
I don't sit down and formally teach him all of his numbers and letters every day. Collectively gasp now. I'm not an "every moment is a teaching moment" mom. I guess I should be? He's got books aplenty, magnetic letters since he was about four months old (and every once in a while he runs by and hits the button on this little apparatus that sings the alphabet), and all that stuff. I figure he'll start stringing it all together when his brain has the right amount of myelin in the the right places.
I let him play alone (or follow a few inches behind me) while I clean the house. Because I want order and I want him to see that work is a good thing and a regular part of our day. But then I feel guilty because I feel like I should be doing things like taking him to the photographer and, you know, whipping out flash cards.
But we DO set boundaries. And pray with him. Apologize when we know we've lost our self-control. We're teaching him the importance of obedience and the word no. We're consistent with discipline. He might not listen to me and Matt all the time but he doesn't have to be told something twice when he's with the sitter.
I'm not trying to be bragadocious, I'm just saying that if you sit back and evaluate, you're really not doing everything wrong even though you feel like it some days. Ta-RUST me, there ARE some parents out there who ARE doing a LOT of things wrong AND ruining their kids' lives...and if you're currently reading this blog in any way or capacity, you are NOT one of those people.
God's Word has a lot to say about what being a good parent is and what the job entails. Believe me, it has nothing to do with how early your kid walks or talks, if they can recite Avagadro's number by a certain age, if their manners are perfect, whether or not their plate has a full rainbow of colors on it, or if their sippy has juice or water in it. Nothing. All of these are outward signs but say nothing about the condition of their hearts, over which we have zero control. All we can do is pray for them, examine the condition of our own hearts, and sow as much Truth into them (ours AND theirs) as we can.
It doesn't matter how many professional pictures you have.
Or how great your kid's manners are.
Or any of that.
You will not stand in front of the Throne of Grace and account for any of those things.
So (and I'm speaking to myself here) - stop feeling guilty.
I did a ton of housework this morning while I feel like I should have been playing with my little boy. After all, we've all read the poem about finger prints on the wall or whatever.
I gave my kid a sucker at my OB appointment this morning so he'd be occupied. It should have been an organic, non-GMO, gluten-free cracker or something like that (not dogging it, I have all those things)...but he really loves his "doctor appointment sucker" and gobbles it with reckless abandonment.
His lunch should have been colorful, thoughtfully and excitingly displayed...but it was a piece of torn up turkey lunchmeat, a hastily-cut piece of co-jack cheese, and some older-than-necessary cantaloupe, basically all thrown in one bowl (because I needed to make it to said OB appointment).
Aren't you so sick of shoulds? And feeling guilty? What's that all about?
I've worn a mantle of guilt since Levi made his roaring entrance two Octobers ago. You?
I've never had professional pictures taken of Levi. No chubby baby spilling out of a basket or wearing a sock monkey hat. No heartwarming photo of the three of us walking in a field together. Nada. I gave up taking many pictures of him at all because A) he won't stop moving for a nanosecond, and B) every picture ends up being of his hand reaching to the camera and his face threatening to cry.
He eats like a barbarian. He knows how to use a spoon and fork, and I've been pretty impressed when he actually takes up the effort. But he'd rather plow thru his food as a ten-finger experience rather than be neat. And I'm okay with that. The three of us enjoy dinner together, Matt and I enjoy conversation, and Levi eats with reckless abandonment (notice a theme?). He's pretty neat about it, it all ends up mostly in his mouth, and he's not picky. Not terribly civilized, but I'll take it.
I don't sit down and formally teach him all of his numbers and letters every day. Collectively gasp now. I'm not an "every moment is a teaching moment" mom. I guess I should be? He's got books aplenty, magnetic letters since he was about four months old (and every once in a while he runs by and hits the button on this little apparatus that sings the alphabet), and all that stuff. I figure he'll start stringing it all together when his brain has the right amount of myelin in the the right places.
I let him play alone (or follow a few inches behind me) while I clean the house. Because I want order and I want him to see that work is a good thing and a regular part of our day. But then I feel guilty because I feel like I should be doing things like taking him to the photographer and, you know, whipping out flash cards.
But we DO set boundaries. And pray with him. Apologize when we know we've lost our self-control. We're teaching him the importance of obedience and the word no. We're consistent with discipline. He might not listen to me and Matt all the time but he doesn't have to be told something twice when he's with the sitter.
I'm not trying to be bragadocious, I'm just saying that if you sit back and evaluate, you're really not doing everything wrong even though you feel like it some days. Ta-RUST me, there ARE some parents out there who ARE doing a LOT of things wrong AND ruining their kids' lives...and if you're currently reading this blog in any way or capacity, you are NOT one of those people.
God's Word has a lot to say about what being a good parent is and what the job entails. Believe me, it has nothing to do with how early your kid walks or talks, if they can recite Avagadro's number by a certain age, if their manners are perfect, whether or not their plate has a full rainbow of colors on it, or if their sippy has juice or water in it. Nothing. All of these are outward signs but say nothing about the condition of their hearts, over which we have zero control. All we can do is pray for them, examine the condition of our own hearts, and sow as much Truth into them (ours AND theirs) as we can.
It doesn't matter how many professional pictures you have.
Or how great your kid's manners are.
Or any of that.
You will not stand in front of the Throne of Grace and account for any of those things.
So (and I'm speaking to myself here) - stop feeling guilty.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Have nots
If by reading my blog you get the impression that I listen to the radio a lot, your impression is correct. It gives me good stuff to think about!
So I was listening to Midday Connection today (the one I referred to in my last post with all the cackling hens that normally drive me crazy), and one of the hosts opened up with talking about needing to run to the mall to get a pair of pants, and even though she found and bought what she wanted, she couldn't help but leave feeling like....a have not. Just the way the store clerk behaved, the way everyone in the store was dressed, the overall everything.
Do you ever just feel like a have not?? I'm embarrassed to admit that I do. In a lot of situations. I feel like a have not when I go shopping sometimes...my uniform is old jeans and a sweatshirt. In the summer a pair of sandals (the same pair I've been wearing for over 10 years) is nearly welded onto my feet. My highlights are half grown out most of the time, my nails are manicured by my teeth when they start to bug me, and there may or may not be makeup on my face. And I'm surrounded by people with spiffy smart little outfits, cutesie little skinny jeans and fashionable boots, perfectly styled and colored hair, and sassy handbags.
I feel like a have not on Facebook. I think, Wow, they have a really nice house... or Goodness, they got to go on another fancy vacation... or She always has great outfits on...or whatever.
Kids half my age (fortunately, people half my age technically are still kids...not for long...) have Smart phones, sleek computers, nice cars, and killer wardrobes.
I feel like a have not at church. There, I said it. I'm not trying to knock anyone, nor am I thinking of anyone in particular, and I know that Sunday truly is the one day for most people to look nice, and most of them do it out of respect. But let's face it, do you ever just feel like you're in a fashion show for the Almighty? But I know that someone next to me feels like a have not, because I try to dress nicely too. It's just in the same pair of black pants every single week with the hem that keeps falling down. BTW - this is why Matt always wears jeans to church. Because there are a lot of people there who truly are have nots. And we've heard stories of people coming to church who didn't feel like they could come back unless they had a suit, because that's what everyone else was wearing and they didn't fit in.
My point here is not to get anyone to write back to me and say, "Oh! But YOU have a nice house too! You always look nice! You wear nice clothes!" so I feel a little better. Nor is it my point to make anyone feel guilty. My point is, I'm NOT a have-not. Not at all. *Very* few of us in this country truly are.
I heard once that comparison is the death of gratitude. That's the bottom line. When I compare myself with others and let that comparing attitude settle into my heart, I completely fail to see what I already have and abandon any opportunity to be grateful for it. And that's just flat-out wrong. And it hardly glorifies God. It's basically me thumbing my nose at Him and saying He could've done better. Think of when your kids/spouse/friends complain when you've given them so much. Yeah no.
So I need to reconsider when I feel like a have not. My treasure can't lie here anyway...so what difference does it make?
So I was listening to Midday Connection today (the one I referred to in my last post with all the cackling hens that normally drive me crazy), and one of the hosts opened up with talking about needing to run to the mall to get a pair of pants, and even though she found and bought what she wanted, she couldn't help but leave feeling like....a have not. Just the way the store clerk behaved, the way everyone in the store was dressed, the overall everything.
Do you ever just feel like a have not?? I'm embarrassed to admit that I do. In a lot of situations. I feel like a have not when I go shopping sometimes...my uniform is old jeans and a sweatshirt. In the summer a pair of sandals (the same pair I've been wearing for over 10 years) is nearly welded onto my feet. My highlights are half grown out most of the time, my nails are manicured by my teeth when they start to bug me, and there may or may not be makeup on my face. And I'm surrounded by people with spiffy smart little outfits, cutesie little skinny jeans and fashionable boots, perfectly styled and colored hair, and sassy handbags.
I feel like a have not on Facebook. I think, Wow, they have a really nice house... or Goodness, they got to go on another fancy vacation... or She always has great outfits on...or whatever.
Kids half my age (fortunately, people half my age technically are still kids...not for long...) have Smart phones, sleek computers, nice cars, and killer wardrobes.
I feel like a have not at church. There, I said it. I'm not trying to knock anyone, nor am I thinking of anyone in particular, and I know that Sunday truly is the one day for most people to look nice, and most of them do it out of respect. But let's face it, do you ever just feel like you're in a fashion show for the Almighty? But I know that someone next to me feels like a have not, because I try to dress nicely too. It's just in the same pair of black pants every single week with the hem that keeps falling down. BTW - this is why Matt always wears jeans to church. Because there are a lot of people there who truly are have nots. And we've heard stories of people coming to church who didn't feel like they could come back unless they had a suit, because that's what everyone else was wearing and they didn't fit in.
My point here is not to get anyone to write back to me and say, "Oh! But YOU have a nice house too! You always look nice! You wear nice clothes!" so I feel a little better. Nor is it my point to make anyone feel guilty. My point is, I'm NOT a have-not. Not at all. *Very* few of us in this country truly are.
I heard once that comparison is the death of gratitude. That's the bottom line. When I compare myself with others and let that comparing attitude settle into my heart, I completely fail to see what I already have and abandon any opportunity to be grateful for it. And that's just flat-out wrong. And it hardly glorifies God. It's basically me thumbing my nose at Him and saying He could've done better. Think of when your kids/spouse/friends complain when you've given them so much. Yeah no.
So I need to reconsider when I feel like a have not. My treasure can't lie here anyway...so what difference does it make?
Friday, February 10, 2012
Three words
So today I was listening to Midday Connection on Moody - not a show I normally listen to, it kind of reminds me of a Christian version of The View, with a bunch of cackling hens who all talk over each other. But sometimes their discussion piques (note: not peaks - grammar police here) my interest, and today I briefly listened in.
In their jabbering, someone asked the question, "What three words describe your life right now?" I was intrigued by the very honest answers some of the ladies gave.
I remember getting the "use three words to describe yourself" question in an interview one time, and I was like, uhhhhhh....uhhhhhhh....
It's a really good question.
So what three words would I use to describe my life right now?
Structured.
Oh my word, there is zero room for spontaneity in our life right now. Every day, every hour, the same. Get up at the same time. Read the same books over and over and over at the same time. Walk at the same time. Snack. Nap. Quiet time. Lunch. Read. Nap....read the same books over and over and over...witching hour - witching hour - witching hour (that's 4-6pm)...bath, bed, collapse, repeat.
It's just the way life is right now. Levi thrives on his schedule and that's the way it is. I tried to move him off his morning nap, but he really wants/needs it still, so yep, we're still bound to a two-nap schedule. Spontaneous lunches/coffee dates/whatever are just on hold for right now.
Simple.
Very. Very. Simple. It kind of goes along with the structure. We read books. We get our jollies throwing balls down the stairs. And playing Wheerrrrrrreeee's LEVI? I say the same things over and over and over again, like, Do we stand on the furniture? NO. I retrieve the dog's ball from under the couch at least 23 times daily. Two pairs of my jeans blew holes in the knees in one week from crawling on the floor so much. I put on makeup only when it's an absolute social necessity (and no, shopping at Meijer is NOT an absolute social necessity) OR if I want some semblance of variety in my day and eyeliner would do the trick. I wear the same tshirt during the day that I wear to bed. We walk around the neighborhood and make truck sounds, repeat made-up words to each other, and...well, there's my day in a nutshell.
Needy.
Not as in, feed the poor (though you're welcome to feed me any time), but I just stand in absolute need. In being a wise wife. In disciplining my son, shepherding his heart, and being a student of his heart. In the moments when my cup runneth over with frustration. In the areas of my life right now where there is so. much. fear. that doesn't belong there. I'm just a simple wife/mom/friend with no makeup and holes in her jeans who desperately needs the comfort, direction, and rest that can only come from her Savior.
That about sums up my life right now....what are YOUR three words??
In their jabbering, someone asked the question, "What three words describe your life right now?" I was intrigued by the very honest answers some of the ladies gave.
I remember getting the "use three words to describe yourself" question in an interview one time, and I was like, uhhhhhh....uhhhhhhh....
It's a really good question.
So what three words would I use to describe my life right now?
Structured.
Oh my word, there is zero room for spontaneity in our life right now. Every day, every hour, the same. Get up at the same time. Read the same books over and over and over at the same time. Walk at the same time. Snack. Nap. Quiet time. Lunch. Read. Nap....read the same books over and over and over...witching hour - witching hour - witching hour (that's 4-6pm)...bath, bed, collapse, repeat.
It's just the way life is right now. Levi thrives on his schedule and that's the way it is. I tried to move him off his morning nap, but he really wants/needs it still, so yep, we're still bound to a two-nap schedule. Spontaneous lunches/coffee dates/whatever are just on hold for right now.
Simple.
Very. Very. Simple. It kind of goes along with the structure. We read books. We get our jollies throwing balls down the stairs. And playing Wheerrrrrrreeee's LEVI? I say the same things over and over and over again, like, Do we stand on the furniture? NO. I retrieve the dog's ball from under the couch at least 23 times daily. Two pairs of my jeans blew holes in the knees in one week from crawling on the floor so much. I put on makeup only when it's an absolute social necessity (and no, shopping at Meijer is NOT an absolute social necessity) OR if I want some semblance of variety in my day and eyeliner would do the trick. I wear the same tshirt during the day that I wear to bed. We walk around the neighborhood and make truck sounds, repeat made-up words to each other, and...well, there's my day in a nutshell.
Needy.
Not as in, feed the poor (though you're welcome to feed me any time), but I just stand in absolute need. In being a wise wife. In disciplining my son, shepherding his heart, and being a student of his heart. In the moments when my cup runneth over with frustration. In the areas of my life right now where there is so. much. fear. that doesn't belong there. I'm just a simple wife/mom/friend with no makeup and holes in her jeans who desperately needs the comfort, direction, and rest that can only come from her Savior.
That about sums up my life right now....what are YOUR three words??
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
THAT lady
True Confession time:
I'm that lady.
The one who stands in line at the grocery store and places copies of Better Homes and Gardens and Cooking Lite over Glamour, Cosmo, Health, and Redbook.
I'm not anti-glamorous, anti-health, or anti-cosmopolitan (whatever that might mean). I'm not even discounting the fact that those magazines actually contain helpful and interesting information that I am interested in reading as well. I don't oppose anyone who wants to buy one or all of them. I don't.
But I AM anti-half-naked. And I have a wide-eyed little boy in my cart whose eyes (in a very short amount of time here) are going to become, um, even wider (in more ways than one, might I add). Is this how I want him to see women?
Maybe someday I'll have a little girl in my cart. Is this how I want her to see herself? Enslaved to impossible standards of beauty and success? Our culture calls it liberation. But can we call it bondage?
They pick these things up at an early age. My friends who are kindergarten teachers already see little boys become riveted, transfixed, and stupefied by mothers who come to help the class with their bosoms pouring out of their shirt. Talks about modesty and respect have to happen sooner rather than later.
Already I whisper in Levi's ear when we approach a Victoria's Secret at the mall - with it's floor-to-ceiling advertisement for a push-up bra - Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart, son. He doesn't know what I'm talking about, I know that. But soon he will. Soon he will start feeling the undertow of a culture that vomits sexuality all over his face, and an industry that hopes to claim him - and make him a lifelong addict - by the age of 8.
Some days I want to weep when I see that I'm at the downstream end of Class 5 rapids, feeling like I need to paddle UP with a blow-up ring and a spoon, clutching the hand of my child. See dignity and worth in girls, my sweet boy. Daughter, clothe yourself with strength and dignity, not deceitful charm. Point it out to me when I do not walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which I have been called! Do not buy the lie that how you look, how you dress, how-to-catch-a-man...those are what you strive for.
This weekend is the Superbowl, and please bear this in mind: the largest sporting event of the year is also the largest sex-trafficking event of the year. No, not prostitutes who are "choosing" this lifestyle (and please don't think that most prostitutes choose their lifestyle, by the way, many of them are coerced, bullied, and abused into it), but most of them minors who are sold into sexual slavery and trafficked over our borders. Where there is a demand, it will be met.
It starts with a look.
And gives way to curiosity.
And leaves us stuffing our faces with the fruit of bondage. Yet wanting more.
Desire when it has conceived...
...which fully grown brings forth death.
And THAT is why I am "that" lady.
I'm that lady.
The one who stands in line at the grocery store and places copies of Better Homes and Gardens and Cooking Lite over Glamour, Cosmo, Health, and Redbook.
I'm not anti-glamorous, anti-health, or anti-cosmopolitan (whatever that might mean). I'm not even discounting the fact that those magazines actually contain helpful and interesting information that I am interested in reading as well. I don't oppose anyone who wants to buy one or all of them. I don't.
But I AM anti-half-naked. And I have a wide-eyed little boy in my cart whose eyes (in a very short amount of time here) are going to become, um, even wider (in more ways than one, might I add). Is this how I want him to see women?
Maybe someday I'll have a little girl in my cart. Is this how I want her to see herself? Enslaved to impossible standards of beauty and success? Our culture calls it liberation. But can we call it bondage?
They pick these things up at an early age. My friends who are kindergarten teachers already see little boys become riveted, transfixed, and stupefied by mothers who come to help the class with their bosoms pouring out of their shirt. Talks about modesty and respect have to happen sooner rather than later.
Already I whisper in Levi's ear when we approach a Victoria's Secret at the mall - with it's floor-to-ceiling advertisement for a push-up bra - Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart, son. He doesn't know what I'm talking about, I know that. But soon he will. Soon he will start feeling the undertow of a culture that vomits sexuality all over his face, and an industry that hopes to claim him - and make him a lifelong addict - by the age of 8.
Some days I want to weep when I see that I'm at the downstream end of Class 5 rapids, feeling like I need to paddle UP with a blow-up ring and a spoon, clutching the hand of my child. See dignity and worth in girls, my sweet boy. Daughter, clothe yourself with strength and dignity, not deceitful charm. Point it out to me when I do not walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which I have been called! Do not buy the lie that how you look, how you dress, how-to-catch-a-man...those are what you strive for.
This weekend is the Superbowl, and please bear this in mind: the largest sporting event of the year is also the largest sex-trafficking event of the year. No, not prostitutes who are "choosing" this lifestyle (and please don't think that most prostitutes choose their lifestyle, by the way, many of them are coerced, bullied, and abused into it), but most of them minors who are sold into sexual slavery and trafficked over our borders. Where there is a demand, it will be met.
It starts with a look.
And gives way to curiosity.
And leaves us stuffing our faces with the fruit of bondage. Yet wanting more.
Desire when it has conceived...
....gives birth to sin....
...which fully grown brings forth death.
And THAT is why I am "that" lady.
Friday, January 6, 2012
All in one week
Monday...
...aaaaannnnd Friday.
This is seriously the weirdest winter in my life. Sled on Monday and wagon on Friday...and it's January, not March.Thursday, December 29, 2011
Yummies
...so admit it, your NY resolution really IS to lose 15lbs. And eat a little healthier. Let me help you out. Here are a few fabulous recipes that either have been staples in our house, or are new ones that will NOW be staples in our house!!
Harvest Muffins (easily made gf or regular - just use regular flour if you're not gf)
This recipe comes from Wheat-Free, Gluten-Free Cookbook for Kids and Busy Adults by Connie Sarros.
I was beYOND impressed when I made these. Even gluten-free (definitely use your xanthan gum, though, if your gf flour mix doesn't already contain it) they were light, fluffy, and perfect. I was like, shazzam. So was Levi.
1c chopped pitted dates (use wet scissors for the easiest chopping)
1/2 c raisins (I got sick of chopping dates so increased the amount of raisins and decreased the dates)
3/4c water
2 eggs, slightly beaten
1/2c brown sugar
1/2c unsweetened applesauce
1/4c orange juice
1/4c olive oil
2t vanilla
1 1/2 t almond extract (I didn't have any)
1/2c chopped nuts (I omitted this)
2c g-free flour mixture (my fave is Bob's Red Mill all-purpose gluten-free mix)
1/4t salt
2t baking soda
1 tablespoon baking powder
3/4 t cinnamon
1. Preheat oven to 350, spray muffin tins (I brushed them with olive oil, turns out fine)
2. Put the dates and raisins in a large saucepan. Add the water, bring to a boil on the stove, boil till the water is absorbed (~4min). Remove from heat and let mixture cool.
3. In a large bowl, beat the eggs with a fork till frothy. Stir in the brown sugar, applesauce, OJ, olive oil, vanilla, and almond extract.
4. Stir in the dates and raisins, stir in the nuts.
5. Add the flour mixture, salt, baking soda, baking powder, and cinnamon, and stir with a rubber spatula just until the ingredients are blended (over-stirring makes for dense muffins with weird peaks).
6. Spoon the batter into the muffins tins to about 2/3 full.
7. Bake for about 15 minutes or till a toothpick comes out clean. Let sit for about 10min before removing from pans.
Tuscan Soup
from The Ultimate Guide to the Daniel Fast by Kristen Feola
Okay, if I make something like spaghetti, Levi's like meh about it. When I make this soup, he's on it like bark on a tree. Go figure.
1T olive oil
1c diced onion
1c diced carrot
2 cloves garlic, minced
6 c vegetable broth (I really like Better Than Bouillon, it's a really hearty flavor that rivals beef broth)
1c dry lentils, sorted and rinsed
1 (15oz) can cannellini beans (or garbanzos, or whatever)
1 (14.5oz) can diced tomatoes, undrained
1/2 (10oz) pkg frozen spinach, unthawed
1/2T dried rosemary
1 bay leaf
salt and pepper to taste
Saute onions and carrots in olive oil in a large saucepan over medium heat, until onions are translucent. Stir in garlic and cook for about 30 seconds more. Add remaining ingredients, heat to boiling, then reduce heat and simmer for about 20-25 min with tilted lid.
Tastes great with brown rice added in. I like to serve this with a Greek salad, hummus, and pita chips.
And finally...
Chicken Nicoise
from the good ol' Betty Crocker cookbook
1 1/4 c dry white whine or chicken broth
4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1/2c frozen small whole onions (not terribly important if you don't have them)
1T Italian seasoning
1 or 2 bell peppers, sliced
6 Kalamata olives, pitted and chopped
2c hot cooked rice
1. In a 10in skillet, heat 1/4c of the wine to boiling. Cook chicken in wine about 5 min, turning once, until outside of chicken is white.
2. Add garlic, onions, seasoning, bell peppers, olives, and remaining one cup of wine to skillet. Heat to boiling, boil 5 min.
3. Reduce heat to medium, cook 10-15 min until chicken is cooked thru. Serve on rice.
Harvest Muffins (easily made gf or regular - just use regular flour if you're not gf)
This recipe comes from Wheat-Free, Gluten-Free Cookbook for Kids and Busy Adults by Connie Sarros.
I was beYOND impressed when I made these. Even gluten-free (definitely use your xanthan gum, though, if your gf flour mix doesn't already contain it) they were light, fluffy, and perfect. I was like, shazzam. So was Levi.
1c chopped pitted dates (use wet scissors for the easiest chopping)
1/2 c raisins (I got sick of chopping dates so increased the amount of raisins and decreased the dates)
3/4c water
2 eggs, slightly beaten
1/2c brown sugar
1/2c unsweetened applesauce
1/4c orange juice
1/4c olive oil
2t vanilla
1 1/2 t almond extract (I didn't have any)
1/2c chopped nuts (I omitted this)
2c g-free flour mixture (my fave is Bob's Red Mill all-purpose gluten-free mix)
1/4t salt
2t baking soda
1 tablespoon baking powder
3/4 t cinnamon
1. Preheat oven to 350, spray muffin tins (I brushed them with olive oil, turns out fine)
2. Put the dates and raisins in a large saucepan. Add the water, bring to a boil on the stove, boil till the water is absorbed (~4min). Remove from heat and let mixture cool.
3. In a large bowl, beat the eggs with a fork till frothy. Stir in the brown sugar, applesauce, OJ, olive oil, vanilla, and almond extract.
4. Stir in the dates and raisins, stir in the nuts.
5. Add the flour mixture, salt, baking soda, baking powder, and cinnamon, and stir with a rubber spatula just until the ingredients are blended (over-stirring makes for dense muffins with weird peaks).
6. Spoon the batter into the muffins tins to about 2/3 full.
7. Bake for about 15 minutes or till a toothpick comes out clean. Let sit for about 10min before removing from pans.
Tuscan Soup
from The Ultimate Guide to the Daniel Fast by Kristen Feola
Okay, if I make something like spaghetti, Levi's like meh about it. When I make this soup, he's on it like bark on a tree. Go figure.
1T olive oil
1c diced onion
1c diced carrot
2 cloves garlic, minced
6 c vegetable broth (I really like Better Than Bouillon, it's a really hearty flavor that rivals beef broth)
1c dry lentils, sorted and rinsed
1 (15oz) can cannellini beans (or garbanzos, or whatever)
1 (14.5oz) can diced tomatoes, undrained
1/2 (10oz) pkg frozen spinach, unthawed
1/2T dried rosemary
1 bay leaf
salt and pepper to taste
Saute onions and carrots in olive oil in a large saucepan over medium heat, until onions are translucent. Stir in garlic and cook for about 30 seconds more. Add remaining ingredients, heat to boiling, then reduce heat and simmer for about 20-25 min with tilted lid.
Tastes great with brown rice added in. I like to serve this with a Greek salad, hummus, and pita chips.
And finally...
Chicken Nicoise
from the good ol' Betty Crocker cookbook
1 1/4 c dry white whine or chicken broth
4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1/2c frozen small whole onions (not terribly important if you don't have them)
1T Italian seasoning
1 or 2 bell peppers, sliced
6 Kalamata olives, pitted and chopped
2c hot cooked rice
1. In a 10in skillet, heat 1/4c of the wine to boiling. Cook chicken in wine about 5 min, turning once, until outside of chicken is white.
2. Add garlic, onions, seasoning, bell peppers, olives, and remaining one cup of wine to skillet. Heat to boiling, boil 5 min.
3. Reduce heat to medium, cook 10-15 min until chicken is cooked thru. Serve on rice.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Be Well in 2012
Sorry I've been such a blogging slacker. Sometimes that's just the way it is.
I'm sitting here trying to be deathly quiet because I'm waiting for a little boy to go to sleep. I can hear him thumping around his bed and making quiet noises to himself, which is fine with me...but yesterday, instead of going to sleep after his little quiet playtime, he escalated into a full-out assault against his nap. I can probably count on one hand the number of times he's really come unglued that way, but when it happens, it just feels awful.
I never wanted to run a tip-toe household, and when he was a little baby that worked. I could vacuum around him, sing at the top of my lungs, and nearly land a plane while he blissfully slept. It's not like I plant myself on the couch now and wait for him to get up, but I do move around the house in stealth mode.
So many things I never thought I'd do or say. But actually, there are many things people told me I'd do that I said I'd never do, and I still haven't done them. But they'll come up. Normal ebb and flow, choosing battles and making decisions.
Speaking of decisions...how's that list of New Year's resolutions coming?
I've decided not to make any resolutions this year; but I have decided one thing...
I want to BE resolute. Own my decisions. Let my yes be yes and my no be no.
This past year I've become more and more this way. Not do things because they should be done, because other people want me to do them. It's come with needing the structure that's inherent with having a little one in the house, with looking well to the ways of my household, with being the gatekeeper of all that begs entrance: what we watch, what we hear, what we do, what we eat.
I want us to be well. Overall. Be mindful, simple, and careful. The world can carry us away with what it has to offer - things we can't afford, that suck our time, that sing our souls to complacent sleep.
A couple months ago, in my little notebook I started a list with four categories, entitled "Be Well in 2012." Catchy, I know. (Hey man, I can write decently, but creativity is NOT my suit.) They apply more to general household things, not parenting or marriage specifically. Anyway, here goes:
Spiritual
*Make God's Word a priority (as in, digging into it, continue being involved in Bible studies, work on memorizing it, etc). Here are some CD's I'd really like to get to sow those little seeds into Levi's heart as well.
*Actively try to apply Scripture to every circumstance
*Continue to make quiet time a priority (a basic rule I've applied is, as soon as Levi goes down for that first nap of the day, it's time for my quiet time with the Lord. No matter what.)
Environmental
Just keep up with all the little changes I've made over the past few years that are better for the overall environment, as well as the little environment that is our home.
*Line dry as much as possible. (You ought to see my basement. It's like passing thru a jungle when I have three loads hanging in every possible spot.)
*Detox every room as much as possible (as in, switch out products to ones that are 100% natural or homemade)
*No hoarding! Make a semi-monthly habit of recycling items, dropping them off at the mission, etc. When it doubt, throw it out...or at least give it away...
*Maintain a steady cleaning schedule (this has been the #1 thing this past year that has helped me keep my soup in a group!)
Food
*Eat as vegetarian as possible. It's cheaper overall and keeps me creative.
*No compromise on food/ingredients (in our home, that is. Whatever anyone else feeds us, we gladly and gratefully receive!). That means all organic and/or pastured meat, as much local fare as possible, and non-GMO. Yes, we spend more money on food overall, but we figure we'll either spend it now on healthier food, or later in health care costs. It's going out the door either way.
*Cut back on - not eliminate, let's face it... - refined sugars and grains, and find yummy sugar alternatives.
Seriously consider cod liver oil* (Done!! Started taking it a couple weeks ago and already see a difference in our skin!)
Research coconut oil* (done! We use it in cooking, on our skin, on Levi's diaper rashes...)
*westonaprice.org is a good resource if interested in looking them up
Habits
*Make exercise a priority in our family. I'll admit, this is way harder than when my time was almost entirely my own. Exercise has been redefined for me: several climbs up the stairs with an excited toddler who just learned to scale them...pushing a stroller or pulling him in a sled...having a dance party. But just keep moving!
*Continue to rise early. I just get more done and am more focused for the day when I get up, make the bed, and throw in a load of laundry before Levi gets up (and he's a very early riser!!!).
*Overall, we want to raise Levi (and anyone else who happens to come along, should the Lord see fit!) in a home characterized by having good habits. We'll gladly drop everything to read him a book or play, but we'll also gladly leave him to play alone so we can get something done. We want him to have fun and play, but also want him to see that work (in any form) is a gift and a blessing, and a very important part of life.
What do you resolve for this coming year? How do you want your life or household to look different, or how would you like to "tweak" it? Or do you just want to lose 15lbs and call it good? ;)
I'm sitting here trying to be deathly quiet because I'm waiting for a little boy to go to sleep. I can hear him thumping around his bed and making quiet noises to himself, which is fine with me...but yesterday, instead of going to sleep after his little quiet playtime, he escalated into a full-out assault against his nap. I can probably count on one hand the number of times he's really come unglued that way, but when it happens, it just feels awful.
I never wanted to run a tip-toe household, and when he was a little baby that worked. I could vacuum around him, sing at the top of my lungs, and nearly land a plane while he blissfully slept. It's not like I plant myself on the couch now and wait for him to get up, but I do move around the house in stealth mode.
So many things I never thought I'd do or say. But actually, there are many things people told me I'd do that I said I'd never do, and I still haven't done them. But they'll come up. Normal ebb and flow, choosing battles and making decisions.
Speaking of decisions...how's that list of New Year's resolutions coming?
I've decided not to make any resolutions this year; but I have decided one thing...
I want to BE resolute. Own my decisions. Let my yes be yes and my no be no.
This past year I've become more and more this way. Not do things because they should be done, because other people want me to do them. It's come with needing the structure that's inherent with having a little one in the house, with looking well to the ways of my household, with being the gatekeeper of all that begs entrance: what we watch, what we hear, what we do, what we eat.
I want us to be well. Overall. Be mindful, simple, and careful. The world can carry us away with what it has to offer - things we can't afford, that suck our time, that sing our souls to complacent sleep.
A couple months ago, in my little notebook I started a list with four categories, entitled "Be Well in 2012." Catchy, I know. (Hey man, I can write decently, but creativity is NOT my suit.) They apply more to general household things, not parenting or marriage specifically. Anyway, here goes:
Spiritual
*Make God's Word a priority (as in, digging into it, continue being involved in Bible studies, work on memorizing it, etc). Here are some CD's I'd really like to get to sow those little seeds into Levi's heart as well.
*Actively try to apply Scripture to every circumstance
*Continue to make quiet time a priority (a basic rule I've applied is, as soon as Levi goes down for that first nap of the day, it's time for my quiet time with the Lord. No matter what.)
Environmental
Just keep up with all the little changes I've made over the past few years that are better for the overall environment, as well as the little environment that is our home.
*Line dry as much as possible. (You ought to see my basement. It's like passing thru a jungle when I have three loads hanging in every possible spot.)
*Detox every room as much as possible (as in, switch out products to ones that are 100% natural or homemade)
*No hoarding! Make a semi-monthly habit of recycling items, dropping them off at the mission, etc. When it doubt, throw it out...or at least give it away...
*Maintain a steady cleaning schedule (this has been the #1 thing this past year that has helped me keep my soup in a group!)
Food
*Eat as vegetarian as possible. It's cheaper overall and keeps me creative.
*No compromise on food/ingredients (in our home, that is. Whatever anyone else feeds us, we gladly and gratefully receive!). That means all organic and/or pastured meat, as much local fare as possible, and non-GMO. Yes, we spend more money on food overall, but we figure we'll either spend it now on healthier food, or later in health care costs. It's going out the door either way.
*Cut back on - not eliminate, let's face it... - refined sugars and grains, and find yummy sugar alternatives.
Seriously consider cod liver oil* (Done!! Started taking it a couple weeks ago and already see a difference in our skin!)
Research coconut oil* (done! We use it in cooking, on our skin, on Levi's diaper rashes...)
*westonaprice.org is a good resource if interested in looking them up
Habits
*Make exercise a priority in our family. I'll admit, this is way harder than when my time was almost entirely my own. Exercise has been redefined for me: several climbs up the stairs with an excited toddler who just learned to scale them...pushing a stroller or pulling him in a sled...having a dance party. But just keep moving!
*Continue to rise early. I just get more done and am more focused for the day when I get up, make the bed, and throw in a load of laundry before Levi gets up (and he's a very early riser!!!).
*Overall, we want to raise Levi (and anyone else who happens to come along, should the Lord see fit!) in a home characterized by having good habits. We'll gladly drop everything to read him a book or play, but we'll also gladly leave him to play alone so we can get something done. We want him to have fun and play, but also want him to see that work (in any form) is a gift and a blessing, and a very important part of life.
What do you resolve for this coming year? How do you want your life or household to look different, or how would you like to "tweak" it? Or do you just want to lose 15lbs and call it good? ;)
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