My son, I pray you will keep God's word and commandments treasured within you
-keep His teachings as the apple of your eye-
-bind them on your fingers-
-write them on the tablet of your heart-
I pray you will call wisdom your sister...and insight an intimate friend.
...to keep you from what is forbidden -
-from the adultress
-from the pornography industry
-from our sex-saturated culture
Father I pray that Levi will not be simple, a young man lacking sense. There are so many, many things to numb his mind. Even when he's little. Keep me mindful of what goes into it. Show me how to teach him discretion. How to guard his heart.
I pray he will delight in Your Word...that he will be like a tree planted by streams of water...that he will set his mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.
The culture will meet him. Dressed as a prostitute, wily, loud, brash. Help me be on my guard. To teach him to be on his guard.
It will try to seize him, entice him. Oh, it will be so easy. So easy.
A glance at a lingerie ad.
A commercial on TV.
An errant click of the mouse.
I pray he will not be persuaded or compelled. I pray he will be equipped to discern truth from a lie, lest he be as a bird rushing into a snare....not knowing that it will cost him his life...
........his career......
........his relationships........
.........his marriage.........
My son, I pray you will desire wisdom. Truth. That your passion will be for the God who created you, who is crazy about you, who sent His Son that you may have life and have it abundantly.
Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Simple isn't easy
I've been rolling a word around in my head since yesterday afternoon.
Simple.
I don't think I'm the only one who has it on my mind. There are talk shows, magazines, countless articles...all dedicated to this notion of simplicity.
It started after a conversation with my neighbor about desiring to simplify things in our lives.
It's a buzzword. A trend. A fad?? But it reflects a desire, I think, but is anyone really certain what that desire is for??
Does it mean...being more organized? Because my Real Simple magazine has all kinds of ideas for how to organize my stuff. And I really like their ideas. They're cute, kitchsy, "use this for that!" little ideas...but when I organize my stuff, I still step back and have a lot of.....stuff. And I don't feel very simplified at all.
Does it mean....being "green?" Because yeah, it does do us a world of good to "greenify," but in doing so, you actually can create more work for yourself (organic gardening, making your own cleaning products, whatever). That doesn't feel all that simple.
Does it mean....being less involved? Less busy? Because that requires me to step down, say no, back out, whatever it takes to scrape stuff off my plate. And yeah, sometimes that goes over like a fart in church, depending on who you have to tell 'no.'
So what is this, this simple life of which we speak?? I'm really posing the question, not in a provocative, buy-my-book-and-I'll-tell-you-the-answer kind of way, but I really want to know: what do we mean when we say we want to live more simply?
Seems to me that anything simple requires at least some degree of sacrifice, and are we people who are willing to make those sacrifices? To let go of what owns us, whether it's our *stuff* or our habits or our need to be busy and feel fulfilled? The more I think about it, the more (to me, at least) I realize that a great deal of purging needs to occur - in my home, in my heart, maybe even in some of my relationships. But there's stuff I want to hang on to. Things, memories, bad habits, patterns...well then, simplifying doesn't sound so chic when you put it that way. Never mind. And have you noticed, in order to be so fashionably simple, you have to buy a lot of expensive stuff to look the part???
And simple should never be equated with easy, yet I wonder how often it is. Ask any Amish person. They work like we don't even know how to spell work, yet their lives are so....unfettered, at least not by the things that burden us. There's so much STUFF that is supposed to simplify our lives but we're slaves to them. Cell phones and laptops and texting and all these weird little things that are supposed to make things quick and easy and carefree....but I don't feel free when I have them. I feel stuffed. Like at Thanksgiving and you've gone over the edge. Just stuffed, the kind of stuffed that really makes me want to reverse the process and get. it. out. so I don't feel so weighed DOWN.
Simple. Simple?
I think our world is starting to realize we've gone overboard on a whole lot of stuff and it's not doing us a whole lot of good. The simple solution is to close Pandora's Box but you'll find it's not so easy.
Ask the rich man who asked what he needed to do to inherit eternal life. Jesus' answer was simple: get rid of everything you have, give it to those who need it, and follow me. Watch the slump of the man's shoulders as he walks away. The price was too great to pay. He treasured his stuff more than he treasured his soul.
I treasure my ______ more than I treasure my soul. More than I treasure my Savior. It's not. Easy.
So if you're in a pondering mood, let your mind marinate in this. What is required of me, of you, of anyone, to simplify? To strip out the buzzy-buzzword-ness of it, and actually ask, what needs to go? What's mastering me? What habits, thought patterns, whatever need to be severed at the root and pulled OUT in order to bring true freedom, simplicity, and perhaps even ease??
It's more complicated than it sounds, isn't it?? ;)
Simple.
I don't think I'm the only one who has it on my mind. There are talk shows, magazines, countless articles...all dedicated to this notion of simplicity.
It started after a conversation with my neighbor about desiring to simplify things in our lives.
It's a buzzword. A trend. A fad?? But it reflects a desire, I think, but is anyone really certain what that desire is for??
Does it mean...being more organized? Because my Real Simple magazine has all kinds of ideas for how to organize my stuff. And I really like their ideas. They're cute, kitchsy, "use this for that!" little ideas...but when I organize my stuff, I still step back and have a lot of.....stuff. And I don't feel very simplified at all.
Does it mean....being "green?" Because yeah, it does do us a world of good to "greenify," but in doing so, you actually can create more work for yourself (organic gardening, making your own cleaning products, whatever). That doesn't feel all that simple.
Does it mean....being less involved? Less busy? Because that requires me to step down, say no, back out, whatever it takes to scrape stuff off my plate. And yeah, sometimes that goes over like a fart in church, depending on who you have to tell 'no.'
So what is this, this simple life of which we speak?? I'm really posing the question, not in a provocative, buy-my-book-and-I'll-tell-you-the-answer kind of way, but I really want to know: what do we mean when we say we want to live more simply?
Seems to me that anything simple requires at least some degree of sacrifice, and are we people who are willing to make those sacrifices? To let go of what owns us, whether it's our *stuff* or our habits or our need to be busy and feel fulfilled? The more I think about it, the more (to me, at least) I realize that a great deal of purging needs to occur - in my home, in my heart, maybe even in some of my relationships. But there's stuff I want to hang on to. Things, memories, bad habits, patterns...well then, simplifying doesn't sound so chic when you put it that way. Never mind. And have you noticed, in order to be so fashionably simple, you have to buy a lot of expensive stuff to look the part???
And simple should never be equated with easy, yet I wonder how often it is. Ask any Amish person. They work like we don't even know how to spell work, yet their lives are so....unfettered, at least not by the things that burden us. There's so much STUFF that is supposed to simplify our lives but we're slaves to them. Cell phones and laptops and texting and all these weird little things that are supposed to make things quick and easy and carefree....but I don't feel free when I have them. I feel stuffed. Like at Thanksgiving and you've gone over the edge. Just stuffed, the kind of stuffed that really makes me want to reverse the process and get. it. out. so I don't feel so weighed DOWN.
Simple. Simple?
I think our world is starting to realize we've gone overboard on a whole lot of stuff and it's not doing us a whole lot of good. The simple solution is to close Pandora's Box but you'll find it's not so easy.
Ask the rich man who asked what he needed to do to inherit eternal life. Jesus' answer was simple: get rid of everything you have, give it to those who need it, and follow me. Watch the slump of the man's shoulders as he walks away. The price was too great to pay. He treasured his stuff more than he treasured his soul.
I treasure my ______ more than I treasure my soul. More than I treasure my Savior. It's not. Easy.
So if you're in a pondering mood, let your mind marinate in this. What is required of me, of you, of anyone, to simplify? To strip out the buzzy-buzzword-ness of it, and actually ask, what needs to go? What's mastering me? What habits, thought patterns, whatever need to be severed at the root and pulled OUT in order to bring true freedom, simplicity, and perhaps even ease??
It's more complicated than it sounds, isn't it?? ;)
Friday, June 17, 2011
I love to hate you
I love Facebook.
I hate Facebook!!
I love to hate Facebook.
Tell me that Facebook is not a love-hate relationship for you too. Seriously. It is the coolest and stupidest thing our culture has right now. It's like you can't help looking at all these mundane status updates, and at the same time I'd rather have a bear gnaw my face off because it's so...so... banal.
But rather than get all huffy about it, I decided that this blog will be a list of pros and cons. It would fun to analyze every aspect of FB (because I really think it's such a fascinating and discouraging summation of our culture all at once) that I love and hate, but that would be time-consuming and ranty. So I'll just make a fun little list. Sometimes what's NOT said speaks volumes. Feel free to add what you would like to it.
I hate Facebook!!
I love to hate Facebook.
Tell me that Facebook is not a love-hate relationship for you too. Seriously. It is the coolest and stupidest thing our culture has right now. It's like you can't help looking at all these mundane status updates, and at the same time I'd rather have a bear gnaw my face off because it's so...so... banal.
But rather than get all huffy about it, I decided that this blog will be a list of pros and cons. It would fun to analyze every aspect of FB (because I really think it's such a fascinating and discouraging summation of our culture all at once) that I love and hate, but that would be time-consuming and ranty. So I'll just make a fun little list. Sometimes what's NOT said speaks volumes. Feel free to add what you would like to it.
Why I love Facebook
by Jenny Gouveia
I think Facebook is pretty neat for the following reasons...
1. Getting back in touch with people with whom you'd never otherwise be in touch.
2. Seeing pictures of other people's kids (though this can slide over to the 'con' list too if ya know what I mean)
3. Finding out someone's pregnant, when you wouldn't otherwise find out (see #1)
4. A quick way to find a babysitter, recommendation, tips and advice, etc.
5. Not having to memorize or otherwise cache everyone's email address
6. Networking
7. Families who live far from each other can kinda feel like they're a part of everyday life.
Let me tell you, this isn't *nearly* as fun as saying exactly what I think about each thing. This is an exercise in restraint.
by Jenny Gouveia
I think Facebook is pretty neat for the following reasons...
1. Getting back in touch with people with whom you'd never otherwise be in touch.
2. Seeing pictures of other people's kids (though this can slide over to the 'con' list too if ya know what I mean)
3. Finding out someone's pregnant, when you wouldn't otherwise find out (see #1)
4. A quick way to find a babysitter, recommendation, tips and advice, etc.
5. Not having to memorize or otherwise cache everyone's email address
6. Networking
7. Families who live far from each other can kinda feel like they're a part of everyday life.
Well then. That was quite excellent.
And now for....
Why I Hate Facebook
by Jenny Gouveia
Facebook makes me want to chew broken glass for the following reasons...
1. Bragbooking.
2. Vaguebooking.
3. Lacking discretion (WTMI about....everything....)
4. Still lacking discretion (husbands, brothers, pastors, etc are friends with you too...think hard before you post your teeny bikini shots)
5. Bragbooking
6. Updates on the very, very mundane
7. The drama
8. Our new cultural definition of "friends"
9. Bragbooking
10. Toeing confidentiality lines
11. Posting song lyrics that make zero sense to anyone but you
And now for....
Why I Hate Facebook
by Jenny Gouveia
Facebook makes me want to chew broken glass for the following reasons...
1. Bragbooking.
2. Vaguebooking.
3. Lacking discretion (WTMI about....everything....)
4. Still lacking discretion (husbands, brothers, pastors, etc are friends with you too...think hard before you post your teeny bikini shots)
5. Bragbooking
6. Updates on the very, very mundane
7. The drama
8. Our new cultural definition of "friends"
9. Bragbooking
10. Toeing confidentiality lines
11. Posting song lyrics that make zero sense to anyone but you
Let me tell you, this isn't *nearly* as fun as saying exactly what I think about each thing. This is an exercise in restraint.
I think FB dismays me more than anything. It's a sad testimony to what our world is becoming. The saddest status update a couple of weeks ago (I won't even share what it was, it's just too sick and sad) confirmed it: we're zoning out on how to appropriately relate to people. You have 400, 600, 1200 "friends" but when one person drops off for good, it doesn't even flash a blip on your radar. We want the world to know we finished three loads of laundry before 8am and already have a roast in the oven for dinner, but are blunted at our ability to just have a good and honest and open and real conversation with each other. We walk around fashionably aloof with iPod buds in our ears, but are screaming for attention on social media. Please see me! Hear me! I'm cool and witty and important! Do you ever have days where you think in terms of potential status updates? I do. Ugh.
Now's the part where I'm supposed to declare a Facebook fast or I'm closing my account. But I'm not. Facebook (Twitter, blogs, all of it) is a part of world that we need to learn to live with. It's something that can become just as tempting of an addiction as anything else that's addictive, and I continually have to practice taming the desires of the flesh and bring them under Christ's authority. And there are some really fun people whose status updates never fail to make my day. Whose kids' pictures I gobble up. That I want to keep track of because FB is a good finger on the pulse of their life at the moment and I want to know they're not spinning out of control. I want to know when my friend in California has her baby, want to see wedding pictures, scroll thru vacation pictures and laugh about how much someone's kids look JUST like they did in high school. I like the connection, don't get me wrong. But anything can be sooooo good one second and soooooo volatile the next. A "quick" check can become an abysmal waste of half a day.
There are households to manage, relationships to tend, and hedges of protection that have to be guarded. Facebook can make a fool of anyone.
So my love/hate relationship will continue, and I'm sure this isn't the last time I'll talk about it. And I feel stupid now because I'll link this blog post on FB!! but again, that's a whole lot easier than someone trying to remember what the web address is. *sigh*
I want to be a part of the culture...but I don't want it to be a part of me. Does that make sense? I want to influence but not be wholly influenced. In the world but not of it. Such a fine line to walk.
Is FB a struggle for you? Am I the only one who wants to throw my computer at the same time I want to look at it???
Now's the part where I'm supposed to declare a Facebook fast or I'm closing my account. But I'm not. Facebook (Twitter, blogs, all of it) is a part of world that we need to learn to live with. It's something that can become just as tempting of an addiction as anything else that's addictive, and I continually have to practice taming the desires of the flesh and bring them under Christ's authority. And there are some really fun people whose status updates never fail to make my day. Whose kids' pictures I gobble up. That I want to keep track of because FB is a good finger on the pulse of their life at the moment and I want to know they're not spinning out of control. I want to know when my friend in California has her baby, want to see wedding pictures, scroll thru vacation pictures and laugh about how much someone's kids look JUST like they did in high school. I like the connection, don't get me wrong. But anything can be sooooo good one second and soooooo volatile the next. A "quick" check can become an abysmal waste of half a day.
There are households to manage, relationships to tend, and hedges of protection that have to be guarded. Facebook can make a fool of anyone.
So my love/hate relationship will continue, and I'm sure this isn't the last time I'll talk about it. And I feel stupid now because I'll link this blog post on FB!! but again, that's a whole lot easier than someone trying to remember what the web address is. *sigh*
I want to be a part of the culture...but I don't want it to be a part of me. Does that make sense? I want to influence but not be wholly influenced. In the world but not of it. Such a fine line to walk.
Is FB a struggle for you? Am I the only one who wants to throw my computer at the same time I want to look at it???
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
*Crickets*
Why the silence???
I know, I haven't blogged in over a month and that's just disastrous. I love to blog. And it just hasn't happened.
Because for one thing, the weather warms up and things get busy. A lame excuse, but it's not really an excuse...it's just the truth.
But even bigger than that, blogging is a little bit of a tightrope for me. You see, there are a lot of blogs out there: "mommy" blogs, sarcastic and snarky blogs, boring and uneventful blogs, opinionated blogs...and, I'm just like, I dunno...I don't want to have a blog that's overly mommy. (BTW - there are some great mommy blogs out there, I'm not knocking them!) I could have a heyday being sarcastic and snarky, but I really try to avoid that (sometimes I let it slip out for laughs, but I do try to avoid it and err on the uplifting side instead). I try to tone down on being overly opinionated or soap-boxy. Sometimes I'd love to share something I'm fired up about spiritually but I don't want to be...what's the right word...ummm...like this blog is a flannel board and my little flannel Jesus is stuck there just nice and so and I'm all perfect. Does that make any sense?? Sometimes I don't want to write something that might be misinterpreted or offend someone, even though that is never my intention. Never, ever do I wish to use this blog as a passive-aggressive outlet to try to drive out a message to someone I have in mind, hoping that they'll see it and get the point.
I don't want to come across as attention-seeking. Lord knows I'm not a fan of that.
So sometimes I just choose to keep my keyboard mouth shut. Some of it is insecurity (does anyone really care what I have to say anyway?). Some of it IS good old fear of man (I don't want to offend anyone...). Much of it is that I DO have a busy baby in the house. :) And sometimes there's something I'm struggling with and either it's not something I want to share with many people at the moment, or sadly enough, if I do share it, then I actually have to uphold my end of it and be accountable to, um, everyone.
****************************************************************
Anyway...I do have things tumbling around in my head that I'd really like to write about...because really, this blog is my journal. It's what's going on in my life, my heart. And at the end of the day, no one has to read it. I choose to make it a public forum rather than password protect it, because who knows who might need to read what God has put on my heart to say, even one time. He works in mysterious ways, even in the blogosphere.
Some of the things on my mind lately:
Mommy guilt...
Pornography....
Modesty........
Being counter-cultural....
Marriage.....
Facebook.........
Being real......
Being frugal!!!........
My identity.......
.....and at some point (hopefully soon!) I'll process all of the above (and many more!) enough to put pen to paper. So don't give up!!! I shall write more soon. So stay tuned.
BTW - this is totally unrelated to anything having to do with...anything, really, but it made me laugh:
Picture me, sitting on the kitchen floor eating a bowl of popcorn, with this audience:
And to my right
Seriously, the look on Levi's face!!!! hahahahahaha!!!!
I know, I haven't blogged in over a month and that's just disastrous. I love to blog. And it just hasn't happened.
Because for one thing, the weather warms up and things get busy. A lame excuse, but it's not really an excuse...it's just the truth.
But even bigger than that, blogging is a little bit of a tightrope for me. You see, there are a lot of blogs out there: "mommy" blogs, sarcastic and snarky blogs, boring and uneventful blogs, opinionated blogs...and, I'm just like, I dunno...I don't want to have a blog that's overly mommy. (BTW - there are some great mommy blogs out there, I'm not knocking them!) I could have a heyday being sarcastic and snarky, but I really try to avoid that (sometimes I let it slip out for laughs, but I do try to avoid it and err on the uplifting side instead). I try to tone down on being overly opinionated or soap-boxy. Sometimes I'd love to share something I'm fired up about spiritually but I don't want to be...what's the right word...ummm...like this blog is a flannel board and my little flannel Jesus is stuck there just nice and so and I'm all perfect. Does that make any sense?? Sometimes I don't want to write something that might be misinterpreted or offend someone, even though that is never my intention. Never, ever do I wish to use this blog as a passive-aggressive outlet to try to drive out a message to someone I have in mind, hoping that they'll see it and get the point.
I don't want to come across as attention-seeking. Lord knows I'm not a fan of that.
So sometimes I just choose to keep my keyboard mouth shut. Some of it is insecurity (does anyone really care what I have to say anyway?). Some of it IS good old fear of man (I don't want to offend anyone...). Much of it is that I DO have a busy baby in the house. :) And sometimes there's something I'm struggling with and either it's not something I want to share with many people at the moment, or sadly enough, if I do share it, then I actually have to uphold my end of it and be accountable to, um, everyone.
****************************************************************
Anyway...I do have things tumbling around in my head that I'd really like to write about...because really, this blog is my journal. It's what's going on in my life, my heart. And at the end of the day, no one has to read it. I choose to make it a public forum rather than password protect it, because who knows who might need to read what God has put on my heart to say, even one time. He works in mysterious ways, even in the blogosphere.
Some of the things on my mind lately:
Mommy guilt...
Pornography....
Modesty........
Being counter-cultural....
Marriage.....
Facebook.........
Being real......
Being frugal!!!........
My identity.......
.....and at some point (hopefully soon!) I'll process all of the above (and many more!) enough to put pen to paper. So don't give up!!! I shall write more soon. So stay tuned.
BTW - this is totally unrelated to anything having to do with...anything, really, but it made me laugh:
Picture me, sitting on the kitchen floor eating a bowl of popcorn, with this audience:
To my left
And to my right
Seriously, the look on Levi's face!!!! hahahahahaha!!!!
Friday, April 29, 2011
SIX MONTHS!!!!
If I turn myself inside out to have this baby, so be it.
That's what I was thinking around 0445 on the morning of October 29th, 2010. Because that's when I was finally able to push.
I haven't told my "labor story" here because, well.......hearing every detail of a labor and delivery feels like........being at work.
But it IS my - our - labor story. I was induced. Because I was a gestational diabetic. Turns out it was probably a very good thing that I was induced because Levi was at least a pound bigger than we anticipated. I didn't really WANT to be induced, but my take on it is it's not about me.
So I picked my room (a perk to working on the unit) and showed up at 0700 on Thursday, October 28th fully ready to have a baby, by, oh........late that evening. That was my highest hope. Fully hoping to NOT have a c-section, oh.....the next morning. I so wanted to go into labor before then, but evidently Levi didn't.
Must still have been feeling good...
That's what I was thinking around 0445 on the morning of October 29th, 2010. Because that's when I was finally able to push.
I haven't told my "labor story" here because, well.......hearing every detail of a labor and delivery feels like........being at work.
But it IS my - our - labor story. I was induced. Because I was a gestational diabetic. Turns out it was probably a very good thing that I was induced because Levi was at least a pound bigger than we anticipated. I didn't really WANT to be induced, but my take on it is it's not about me.
So I picked my room (a perk to working on the unit) and showed up at 0700 on Thursday, October 28th fully ready to have a baby, by, oh........late that evening. That was my highest hope. Fully hoping to NOT have a c-section, oh.....the next morning. I so wanted to go into labor before then, but evidently Levi didn't.
Don't I work with the greatest people??
You always start OUT looking cute...!!!!
Must still have been feeling good...
Some decent contractions...(the black "hills" on the bottom of the screen)
I started with a pill to get things "going." We walked. We played Scrabble. We watched the screen. I peed like every half hour and Matt learned quickly how to unhook the monitor, wrap the straps around my neck, and then hook it back up when I was done. We walked some more. I started to feel "something."
And then I started to feel more. We stopped playing Scrabble.
Somewhere in there Pitocin was added to the mix. I felt more.
Then one of my fave docs came and broke my water. I felt more.
It was a cold, blustery October day outside. A huge tree was across the street, having just lost its leaves, and i's bare, black branches touched a sad gray sky. To me it looked like upside-down lungs...and so I laid on my side and fixed my eyes on that tree during the worsening contractions, imagining that those "lungs" were my own, opening and reaching for oxygen, anything to breathe life to my little one and push him or her closer to life outside.
It hurt. Oh yes, it hurt. I knew it would, obviously. I was afraid I'd be the freaked-out crazy lady, standing on my bed screaming horrid words at my poor husband and coworkers (think for a minute: how many of YOU have the opportunity to have a child with your coworkers present???). But oddly, that wasn't the case. I stayed calm and kept my sense of humor. I breathed just like they told me to during our childbirth class. Matt did everything he was told during our class. He was amazing. Absolutely amazing.
When we pulled into the parking lot that morning, as Matt put the car in park I told him the one thing I needed from him, if nothing else: stay calm. No matter WHAT happens, please, stay calm...because I can't calm myself AND him if something goes down.
It's a good thing we had that brief discussion. Because we had our scary moments. The baby's heart rate took a dive a few times...and more than just a brief dive. The details are boring, but I'll suffice to say that A) my nurse (it was night shift by now) - I found out - responds exactly the same way that I do to an oh-crap-oh-crap-oh-crap moment: with deathly calm. No change in her voice, no inflection, nothing. Simple, quiet, gentle commands that may as well be screamed, but can't be. Not in front of the patient. No one else would have ever picked up on her voice that way...but sure enough, suddenly the charge nurse and anyone else who had a free hand was in my room, an oxygen mask was on my face, and I was *determined* to keep it together. I knew I was in good hands. And I also thought to myself (based on the heart rate that I could see on the monitor) - well, if this baby were my patient, I wouldn't be doing chest compressions yet, so I can't freak out too much.
And I also thought, we are SO having a girl. No wimpy white boy would tolerate these drops in heart rate.
We tried to nap and take it easy for several hours. My hope for an evening baby turned to a hope for a just-after-midnight baby...which turned into a 3am baby? Oh please don't let me have a c-section at shift change!!!!!
And then at 0445, I was ready to push.
And push I did. OH my goodness. Yes, I had an epidural. Yes, I was glad!!!!!
I pushed for nearly three hours. I was absolutely, utterly exhausted. So exhausted I fell asleep between contractions and pushes (never did a minute feel so fast nor so sweet). But I was NOT going to have a c-section. Not because I'm opposed to c-sections, I just knew that I would NEVER get a nap that day if I had a doggone section, and I was SO TIRED.
Matt. Was. Amazing. That man coached me through this labor like he had done it hundreds of times. He buried his fist in my back when I needed counter-pressure. He counted and encouraged and cheered me through each push. He did everything - everything! - better than right.
And then it happened!!!!! One final push at 0733, twenty-four hours after this all started, and sweet mercy and hallelujah, my OB turned the baby over so Matt and I could be the first to see and call out,
And then I started to feel more. We stopped playing Scrabble.
Somewhere in there Pitocin was added to the mix. I felt more.
Then one of my fave docs came and broke my water. I felt more.
It was a cold, blustery October day outside. A huge tree was across the street, having just lost its leaves, and i's bare, black branches touched a sad gray sky. To me it looked like upside-down lungs...and so I laid on my side and fixed my eyes on that tree during the worsening contractions, imagining that those "lungs" were my own, opening and reaching for oxygen, anything to breathe life to my little one and push him or her closer to life outside.
It hurt. Oh yes, it hurt. I knew it would, obviously. I was afraid I'd be the freaked-out crazy lady, standing on my bed screaming horrid words at my poor husband and coworkers (think for a minute: how many of YOU have the opportunity to have a child with your coworkers present???). But oddly, that wasn't the case. I stayed calm and kept my sense of humor. I breathed just like they told me to during our childbirth class. Matt did everything he was told during our class. He was amazing. Absolutely amazing.
When we pulled into the parking lot that morning, as Matt put the car in park I told him the one thing I needed from him, if nothing else: stay calm. No matter WHAT happens, please, stay calm...because I can't calm myself AND him if something goes down.
It's a good thing we had that brief discussion. Because we had our scary moments. The baby's heart rate took a dive a few times...and more than just a brief dive. The details are boring, but I'll suffice to say that A) my nurse (it was night shift by now) - I found out - responds exactly the same way that I do to an oh-crap-oh-crap-oh-crap moment: with deathly calm. No change in her voice, no inflection, nothing. Simple, quiet, gentle commands that may as well be screamed, but can't be. Not in front of the patient. No one else would have ever picked up on her voice that way...but sure enough, suddenly the charge nurse and anyone else who had a free hand was in my room, an oxygen mask was on my face, and I was *determined* to keep it together. I knew I was in good hands. And I also thought to myself (based on the heart rate that I could see on the monitor) - well, if this baby were my patient, I wouldn't be doing chest compressions yet, so I can't freak out too much.
And I also thought, we are SO having a girl. No wimpy white boy would tolerate these drops in heart rate.
We tried to nap and take it easy for several hours. My hope for an evening baby turned to a hope for a just-after-midnight baby...which turned into a 3am baby? Oh please don't let me have a c-section at shift change!!!!!
And then at 0445, I was ready to push.
And push I did. OH my goodness. Yes, I had an epidural. Yes, I was glad!!!!!
I pushed for nearly three hours. I was absolutely, utterly exhausted. So exhausted I fell asleep between contractions and pushes (never did a minute feel so fast nor so sweet). But I was NOT going to have a c-section. Not because I'm opposed to c-sections, I just knew that I would NEVER get a nap that day if I had a doggone section, and I was SO TIRED.
Matt. Was. Amazing. That man coached me through this labor like he had done it hundreds of times. He buried his fist in my back when I needed counter-pressure. He counted and encouraged and cheered me through each push. He did everything - everything! - better than right.
And then it happened!!!!! One final push at 0733, twenty-four hours after this all started, and sweet mercy and hallelujah, my OB turned the baby over so Matt and I could be the first to see and call out,
It's a.........BOY?!?!?
(We were SO SURE he was girl!!)
And with that, a stunned, angry, blinking little Levi began to cry. The most beautiful song any new parent has ever heard - lungs filling with life and promise and dreams.
And now my sweet baby is six months!!!!! I've been quietly celebrating his six-month "birthday" all day today, rejoicing in the Lord for this dear son that He's given us to parent. Oh, how we love this little boy!!
He just discovered the baby in the exersaucer mirror!!
Watching the royal wedding with me this morning!!!! hahahahaha!!!
Sitting on his own for more than three seconds!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Cuttin' back
I'm really hoping this post doesn't make me sound too Little House on the Prairie...though yesterday I was pumping at work and watching a rerun of Little House, and I thought, That's not a bad way to live...
Anyway, we've needed to cut back. A lot. When you drop one person's income by a third...and then another third within a few months, it catches your attention. We've tried not to rely very heavily on my income anyway, but still...you know what I mean.
In anticipation of having children one day, we long ago started looking at ways we could save money here and there, and it's become a fun challenge rather than an absolute necessity. But now it's becoming more necessary, especially if we want to keep savings accounts available for things like medical bills not covered by insurance (I lost my amazing insurance when I cut down to one day a week and had to go on Matt's, which is fine but not as great as what I had), property taxes, etc.
It's interesting...kind of like when you move (multiple times) and balk at how much *stuff* you have, when push comes to shove and you need to cut stuff out of the budget, it's alarming how much stuff you've been willing to pay for that really isn't all that life-changing.
So I thought I'd bounce off of you the stuff that we've been doing to cut back or change things, and I'd love to hear what you do as well!!!! Always open to suggestions! Maybe this'll give you some ideas too (not that any of mine are that imaginative)...
1) Line drying Except for Matt's work clothes and Levi's cloth diapers, I line dry almost everything. Yes, our towels are crunchy (you can always fluff them in the dryer, I just don't take the time), but at the end of the day, do I push my chair away from the dinner table and say, "My day was wrecked because my bath towel was crunchy?" No. It is a little time-consuming in the winter when things are drying in the cool basement as opposed to the sunny, warm breeze, but it's not that big of a deal. And ya, of course I use the dryer when I simply don't have time to line dry. No use in being a Nazi about it. But every little bit counts. Heck, even when we lived in apartments stuff would be draped over chairs, the shower rod, etc.
2) Reusing plastic bags When I was in college and dating a very Dutch guy from a very Dutch family, I rolled my eyes and snickered at the sight of plastic sandwich bags drying by the sink at his parents' house. Well heavens to Betsy, here I am washing out ziplock bags and hanging them on the line to dry, too. But you know what? It's one less thing to buy, I'm never out of baggies, and it's one less thingy going out to the dump. So I swallow my pride and do it. We use cloth napkins too. I mean, really, you get them for your wedding and they fill your drawer, so you may as well use 'em!!!
3) Cloth diapers Disposables and wipes cost roughly $1500/year. We've probably spent ~$700 on cloth diapers, cloth wipes, and related items, which is a lot upfront, but then you're set for every kid here on out. Yes, I use disposables when we're out and about and for sitters, again no use in being a Nazi. We've seen no change in our utility costs from using the dryer more, probably since it's offset by the line-drying of other things. But no diaper rash equals not having to stock up on butt cream, either.
4) Try some vegetarian dishes We've run the gamut from eating fast food to vegan (as in, ZERO animal products) and everything in between. Now we've settled in a delightfully "flexitarian" diet that includes local, hormone- and antibiotic-free, grass-fed meats; butter and milk from pastured, grass-fed cows, etc. That being said, we only enjoy those things in small doses on the menu to stretch them out...like once a week. Most dishes are rice, bean, and vegetable based and are FABULOUS!!! And our grocery bills are waaaaay cheaper!!! I'm still doing triple-flips over The Ultimate Guide to the Daniel Fast which has amazing, easy, and cheap recipes that you can totally tweak and add meat, cheese, whatever to. But on any given day I can be like, "Dude, I have bare bones in the house," flip open that book, and find a fabulous recipe with a handful of ingredients that I already have on hand. Eating healthy is *not* expensive, and this is from someone who buys organic produce, milk, and meat (since Matt has to eat gluten-free, we can't buy packaged stuff, pop, etc...THAT'S what made our bills start to go down). Just pick great foods, eat smaller portions, and enjoy it! I mean seriously, you don't really see me or Matt blowing away, it's not like we're not eating here.
5) No-drive days Yeah, $4/gallon gets MY attention. Fortunately I'm not in soccer-mom stage and live within walking distance of a whole lot of things in town. Still, I'm not exactly walking with an infant to run errands in the winter, so it's not like that's my easy solution for everything either. But now as I plan out my weeks, I pick at least one day - usually two - that are designated "no drive" days. Clearly that'll change when I have older kids who have to be driven hither and yon. But it made me realize how many times I would just mindlessly fire up my car and go...when it could've waited. Prevents impulse errands/shopping/buying too. This summer we'll do even more walking and biking, which of course is a nice benefit of living in town. Um, and slow down on the road. Matt drives 65 (yes, 65) on his way to work (commuting to GR is a gas-eater) and seriously, it saves majorly on gas.
6) Put cable on the chopping block There. I said it. Ouch. We haven't axed our cable yet, but we're about to. I was watching the early morning news a few weeks ago with Levi playing next to me, when he suddenly stopped moving and stared, glazed and transfixed, at the TV. I was like, Aw-heck-no and shut if off. Now, I'm not trying to be a Nazi again. Parking him in front of Veggie Tales (or whatever) for an afternoon when I'm busy or sick WILL happen someday and I'm okay with that. I love TV, don't get me wrong. I think a day of watching HGTV with a vat of popcorn could be a national holiday. But that's exactly the problem...I could easily spend a few hours/afternoon/the day on the banality of TV...and for what? Ew. Not how I really want to spend money after all. With shows online now, and Netflix, we really don't need it anyway if there's something we'd really like to see.
7) Make your own household cleaners Seriously, I think vinegar could probably write a State of the Union address. It's capable of everything else. I use it to clean everything. Vinegar and hydrogen peroxide together are cleaning superheros. One spray of each kills pretty much anything, including E. coli. I've made our laundry soap now for the past couple of years and it works fabulously...including on spit-up soaked garments. :) A box of washing soda and Borax will pretty much take care of your whole house - toilet, bath tub and all...though I do splurge and buy Seventh Generation toilet cleaner and Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day for scrubbing the tub.
Of course, there are obvious things, like shopping at thrift stores and garage sales, turning off lights you're not using, etc etc. I'm not a coupon clipper because most coupon-able stuff is stuff that Matt can't have or we just don't buy anyway.
So what do you do?? I'm open to more ideas!!
Anyway, we've needed to cut back. A lot. When you drop one person's income by a third...and then another third within a few months, it catches your attention. We've tried not to rely very heavily on my income anyway, but still...you know what I mean.
In anticipation of having children one day, we long ago started looking at ways we could save money here and there, and it's become a fun challenge rather than an absolute necessity. But now it's becoming more necessary, especially if we want to keep savings accounts available for things like medical bills not covered by insurance (I lost my amazing insurance when I cut down to one day a week and had to go on Matt's, which is fine but not as great as what I had), property taxes, etc.
It's interesting...kind of like when you move (multiple times) and balk at how much *stuff* you have, when push comes to shove and you need to cut stuff out of the budget, it's alarming how much stuff you've been willing to pay for that really isn't all that life-changing.
So I thought I'd bounce off of you the stuff that we've been doing to cut back or change things, and I'd love to hear what you do as well!!!! Always open to suggestions! Maybe this'll give you some ideas too (not that any of mine are that imaginative)...
1) Line drying Except for Matt's work clothes and Levi's cloth diapers, I line dry almost everything. Yes, our towels are crunchy (you can always fluff them in the dryer, I just don't take the time), but at the end of the day, do I push my chair away from the dinner table and say, "My day was wrecked because my bath towel was crunchy?" No. It is a little time-consuming in the winter when things are drying in the cool basement as opposed to the sunny, warm breeze, but it's not that big of a deal. And ya, of course I use the dryer when I simply don't have time to line dry. No use in being a Nazi about it. But every little bit counts. Heck, even when we lived in apartments stuff would be draped over chairs, the shower rod, etc.
2) Reusing plastic bags When I was in college and dating a very Dutch guy from a very Dutch family, I rolled my eyes and snickered at the sight of plastic sandwich bags drying by the sink at his parents' house. Well heavens to Betsy, here I am washing out ziplock bags and hanging them on the line to dry, too. But you know what? It's one less thing to buy, I'm never out of baggies, and it's one less thingy going out to the dump. So I swallow my pride and do it. We use cloth napkins too. I mean, really, you get them for your wedding and they fill your drawer, so you may as well use 'em!!!
3) Cloth diapers Disposables and wipes cost roughly $1500/year. We've probably spent ~$700 on cloth diapers, cloth wipes, and related items, which is a lot upfront, but then you're set for every kid here on out. Yes, I use disposables when we're out and about and for sitters, again no use in being a Nazi. We've seen no change in our utility costs from using the dryer more, probably since it's offset by the line-drying of other things. But no diaper rash equals not having to stock up on butt cream, either.
4) Try some vegetarian dishes We've run the gamut from eating fast food to vegan (as in, ZERO animal products) and everything in between. Now we've settled in a delightfully "flexitarian" diet that includes local, hormone- and antibiotic-free, grass-fed meats; butter and milk from pastured, grass-fed cows, etc. That being said, we only enjoy those things in small doses on the menu to stretch them out...like once a week. Most dishes are rice, bean, and vegetable based and are FABULOUS!!! And our grocery bills are waaaaay cheaper!!! I'm still doing triple-flips over The Ultimate Guide to the Daniel Fast which has amazing, easy, and cheap recipes that you can totally tweak and add meat, cheese, whatever to. But on any given day I can be like, "Dude, I have bare bones in the house," flip open that book, and find a fabulous recipe with a handful of ingredients that I already have on hand. Eating healthy is *not* expensive, and this is from someone who buys organic produce, milk, and meat (since Matt has to eat gluten-free, we can't buy packaged stuff, pop, etc...THAT'S what made our bills start to go down). Just pick great foods, eat smaller portions, and enjoy it! I mean seriously, you don't really see me or Matt blowing away, it's not like we're not eating here.
5) No-drive days Yeah, $4/gallon gets MY attention. Fortunately I'm not in soccer-mom stage and live within walking distance of a whole lot of things in town. Still, I'm not exactly walking with an infant to run errands in the winter, so it's not like that's my easy solution for everything either. But now as I plan out my weeks, I pick at least one day - usually two - that are designated "no drive" days. Clearly that'll change when I have older kids who have to be driven hither and yon. But it made me realize how many times I would just mindlessly fire up my car and go...when it could've waited. Prevents impulse errands/shopping/buying too. This summer we'll do even more walking and biking, which of course is a nice benefit of living in town. Um, and slow down on the road. Matt drives 65 (yes, 65) on his way to work (commuting to GR is a gas-eater) and seriously, it saves majorly on gas.
6) Put cable on the chopping block There. I said it. Ouch. We haven't axed our cable yet, but we're about to. I was watching the early morning news a few weeks ago with Levi playing next to me, when he suddenly stopped moving and stared, glazed and transfixed, at the TV. I was like, Aw-heck-no and shut if off. Now, I'm not trying to be a Nazi again. Parking him in front of Veggie Tales (or whatever) for an afternoon when I'm busy or sick WILL happen someday and I'm okay with that. I love TV, don't get me wrong. I think a day of watching HGTV with a vat of popcorn could be a national holiday. But that's exactly the problem...I could easily spend a few hours/afternoon/the day on the banality of TV...and for what? Ew. Not how I really want to spend money after all. With shows online now, and Netflix, we really don't need it anyway if there's something we'd really like to see.
7) Make your own household cleaners Seriously, I think vinegar could probably write a State of the Union address. It's capable of everything else. I use it to clean everything. Vinegar and hydrogen peroxide together are cleaning superheros. One spray of each kills pretty much anything, including E. coli. I've made our laundry soap now for the past couple of years and it works fabulously...including on spit-up soaked garments. :) A box of washing soda and Borax will pretty much take care of your whole house - toilet, bath tub and all...though I do splurge and buy Seventh Generation toilet cleaner and Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day for scrubbing the tub.
Of course, there are obvious things, like shopping at thrift stores and garage sales, turning off lights you're not using, etc etc. I'm not a coupon clipper because most coupon-able stuff is stuff that Matt can't have or we just don't buy anyway.
So what do you do?? I'm open to more ideas!!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Nearly six months?!
I never thought I'd be sentimental about such small things, but I am. I had to store away the swing and the bouncy seat tonight...he's so over something as boring as a little baby swing and he's too big and rowdy for the bouncy (when it starts creaking and clunking and the baby is trying to flip it over...time to put it away). But it made me sad!!!! He's already growing up too fast!!! *sniff*
I love this kid. He's all boy. I'm crazy about baby boys now. I want a whole passel of 'em. Well, maybe one or two more. He's constant energy and motion. He wants to stand and jump all. the. time. Put him in the exer-saucer and he nearly rattles it apart with his jumping. Pick him up and his feet are pumping in a perma-jump. Walk him in his stroller and his legs are STILL moving in and out in a jumping motion. In the car you can hear the rhythmic swoosh of his feet back and forth on the car seat. He's not a squealer, screecher, or anything like that. Just a quietly cackling (his laugh is more of a a chortle or cackle) little jumper.
Six months in a few weeks!!! My oh my oh my...
Playing with a sippy cup...
His beloved aunt Mary and big "brother" Josiah
I love this kid. He's all boy. I'm crazy about baby boys now. I want a whole passel of 'em. Well, maybe one or two more. He's constant energy and motion. He wants to stand and jump all. the. time. Put him in the exer-saucer and he nearly rattles it apart with his jumping. Pick him up and his feet are pumping in a perma-jump. Walk him in his stroller and his legs are STILL moving in and out in a jumping motion. In the car you can hear the rhythmic swoosh of his feet back and forth on the car seat. He's not a squealer, screecher, or anything like that. Just a quietly cackling (his laugh is more of a a chortle or cackle) little jumper.
Six months in a few weeks!!! My oh my oh my...
In his fabulously tricked-out jogger...
Playing with a sippy cup...
Flirting from the saucer
His beloved aunt Mary and big "brother" Josiah
Trying out the Johnny Jumper
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