Falalalalala

I don't mean to brag, buuuuuttttttt.....

.........here's our Christmas tree. Go ahead. Pin it.


 

You see, our house is just a hair small right now for a tree.  A diaper changing table resides where the tree would normally go, and there really is no other place for it.  At all.  So a 2D Christmas tree it is until Luke's outta dipes.  This two-dimensional fit of genius sports one roll of wrapping paper, a handful of to-and-from tags, a cheap garland, and a shiny bow on top.  If you haven't pinned it already, ya better do it.

Here's my other little piece of inspiration:

Actually, I think this turned out very cute. 

And finally, even better than any Christmas tree:

(Stop envying my mad photography skills, just stop!)

But seriously, Matt's mom gave us the nativity when we were first married.  It showed up at our condo when we lived in Denver and it came from a Catholic supply store in Missouri (??).  We didn't open it until after Thanksgiving, but we were so perplexed as to WHAT could come from a Catholic supply store?!  Matt surmised that it must be a blow-up St. Christopher doll.  Because clearly THAT is what you would buy at such a store.  So we kept referring to "the box" as "the blow-up St. Christopher doll" - and when it (obviously) WASN'T, Matt was actually a little bit disappointed.  I, on the other hand, was teary at the sentimental thought of having the tradition of setting up the nativity with our children one day, teaching them the story of Jesus' birth.  They would listen with eyes wide and filled with rapt, sparkling wonder as I quoted directly from the book of Luke and arranged all of the figurines.

Well, the box is actually still labeled "Blow Up St. Christopher Doll" with Sharpie marker, and I, shall we say, blew it up yesterday. I quoted as much as I could remember from Linus' speech on the Charlie Brown Christmas special (because he does quote directly from the book of Luke).  Levi whined because he couldn't stand up on the chair with me while I strung the lights behind the entertainment center, whined because I wouldn't let him watch a truck video, cried because I wouldn't let him swan-dive on Luke AGAIN, I kept yelling at the dog to GIT. OUT. OF. THE. WAY, my text alert from Matt (that he was on his way home) reminded me that dinner was far from being done, glitter was spread everywhere from Levi pulling out all of the decorations, and Levi was far more interested in the Santa Claus piggy bank that still had a few pennies in it.

BUUUT - the 2D Christmas Tree is up and so is the Blow Up St. Christopher Doll.  We'll keep working on making it meaningful, right?

Resurrection

There's a reason it's been so long.

Well, there are at least two reasons, one of them being smaller, chubbier, and bossier than the other one.

You see, I suffer from a very fatal flaw as a "writer" (if that's what you can call what I do, on this wildly uncreative blog).  I can only - ONLY - write spontaneously.  I cannot start a post and table it for later; I cannot schedule time to write a post.  Nope.  An idea will hit me, I can marinate in it for a day or two, play around with the words in my mind, but once I sit down to write it, I have to write it from start to finish or it will never be completed.

Not exactly a writing style that is compatible with the life I have right now.
 

This is how I feel most of the time, most days.

If I thought my time was not my own with one little boy, it is abjectly not my own with two. (Is abjectly a word?)  People told us that adding a second child would be the most difficult transition yet...thereafter it gets easier.  Well, we can testify to the first part with a hearty "amen" - and will just have to take their word for it on the latter because there will not be a "thereafter" in this household, of that we are assuredly decided.

In the spirit of resurrecting my poor blog, I wish I had a stirring post to write, but I don't at the moment.  I will...soon enough.  But right now, the sound of one child's eyelids closing awakens the other - even though moments before, that child could have slept thru a marching band riding on a garbage truck.  So posts will have to remain steadfast in the steel trap of my mind while we ride through these upside-down weeks and months of having a bossy baby in the house.

Now that I have it started though, the posts will probably start to roll out as I seek a little solitude when everyone has gone to bed, forsaking sleep in exchange for a little bit of brain activity. :)

Welp, the dog just stuffed herself underneath the dangling toys of the baby's play mat and curled up on it.  Her clear message that she's tired and misses her bed.  I'm totally rolling here...but I should take that as my cue to wrap up and do the same...

...Good night, and please don't give up on my little blog.

As a follow-up to my last post, I wanted to post this video that provides an awesome visual as to why RF is so important for our kiddos.  Watch for the crash tests that demonstrate what happens in an accident.  Thanks to one of my friends on one of the FB discussion forums that I'm on for posting this!

And then I'll crawl off my soap box and let you make your own decision. No judgment, just information so you can decide what's best for your family! 

The Bossy Nurse is IN

Okay. So.  I'm pulling the bossy (I prefer to think "informative") nurse card and doing a blog post about car seats.   A lot of people are having a baby soon. Or already had one. Or want to have one.  And if there's one thing that all of them have in common, it's that to my knowledge none of them drive a horse and buggy.  So, in some way, you'll have to obtain a car seat and need to know how to use it.  And if there's anything I've learned in the past...ummmm....ten? years of being a nurse for new parents, one thing is very clear: we love to prepare for our babies.  We love decorating, sewing, shopping, planning, cute-i-fying...but somehow, how to use that car seat is not on most people's radar.

So.  Let me help you out.  I promise I'll be way less dry than the instructions that you won't read anyway, my pictures are cuter than the drawings, and you'll probably find out something you didn't realize you needed to know.

I am NOT car seat certified. I would like to be.  There are great resources online, and car seat inspections are FREE at most police departments and fire stations, and take about fifteen minutes.  This is one of THE most important things you need to know as a parent, so please take that time on a Saturday or evening to do that.

First up: try to get a new seat.  Hand-me-downs and those bought at a garage sale may NOT be safe.  They should be no older than five years and NEVER in an accident. You don't know the exact history of a hand-me-down or second-hand seat.  Granted, there are many people who can't afford a brand new seat, and a hand-me-down is better than none at all. But for the heavy investing that we all do in stuff to make the nursery cute, cut some of that out and splurge on the good seat instead if at all possible.

Second: Take the car seat out of the box and look at it.  Before the baby is born.  Put a teddy bear in and practice adjusting the straps.  Legally, your nurse at the hospital can't do this for you, so you need to know what you're doing.  Install the base (if you have one with the LATCH system and a car manufactured since...oh crud, I think 2002????, it's way easier than you think).  Grind your knee into that base and pull the straps HARD.  There should be no more than 1" of wiggle room either way.

Okay, so now your baby is born and you're looking at it and the car seat and don't quite know what to do.  Here's a visual to help you:



WHO is that chubby-faced newborn? It's two-day-old Levi Gouveia!!! :)  Levi's in a Chico (say "KEY-co!") Keyfit 30, which means he could still use it up to 30lbs, but I think he'd be pretty ticked if I put him in it now.  The Chico is one of the most popular and well-rated ones on the market, but there are a lot of great seats out there.

So, notice a handful of things going on here:

1.  Notice how tight the straps are.  And not twisted.  I tell parents, if it seems like you're strapping them in too tight, you're doing it right. You should not be able to pinch ANY strap on their shoulders or by their legs.  Yes, he or she will cry and protest and make you feel awful.  I prefer that to the alternative in an accident.

2.  Notice where the chest clip is. It is NOT a belly clip and belongs between the armpits at the nipple line.  It is designed to absorb energy in a crash and MUST be on the breastbone.  If it's over the belly (where I see a lot of people position them), at best it won't do its job well, and at worst it can puncture the internal organs.

3.  No after-market products to position his head.  You know, those soft upside-down U-shaped things so their head doesn't bobble. Most infant seats come with one, and that's fine. But if it didn't come IN the box with the seat, the manufacturer does NOT want you to use it, and use of any positioning device - especially if you have to place it under the straps - will void any warranty on the seat.  Pretty much any owner's manual will tell you not to use it.  There are a lot of things on the market that make you feel like you need it, but don't do it.  The same goes for those fleecy J. Cole (or whatever the name is) things that people insert in the seat for the winter.  Get one of those covers for the seat that fits over it like a shower cap, but NOTHING that goes under the straps.

If your seat does NOT come with a positioning type of device, roll up receiving blankets and put them on the side of your baby's head.  As long as nothing goes BEHIND the head or under the straps.

Soooo...what to do in cold weather?  First, do not put your baby in a bunting, snow suit, coat, or anything like that.  They are too puffy, will interfere with you adjusting the straps, and will decompress in a crash and some babies (yes, what I'm about to say is true) will fly right out of their coat and straps.  Place your baby in his or her normal clothes in the seat, put on a hat and cover with a blanket. That's all you need.  Your mom and mother-in-law (note: this was not the case with MY mother and MIL, but I hear a lot of grandmas protest when I tell my patients this) will think you're being cruel for not putting a big snow suit on the baby while she's in the car seat.  Too bad. Not safe.

 

This is two-month-old Levi, which would be at the end of December.  See?  He's neither freezing nor unhappy.  Your bundle won't be, either. :)

There's a handful of other things I could tell you, but that's a good start.  When (WHEN!) you get your car seat inspected by a certified person, they will tell you even more. :)

Now.  Your kid is 12 months old.  Yay!!!  Time to turn them around and forward face, right?



*Scoreboard buzzer sound*  Maybe not so much.

Yes, according to most state laws, 12 months (or 20lbs, whichever comes first) is the legal time to turn them around forward facing.  But the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends rear-facing for at LEAST two years. Facing your buddy forward has nothing to do with a rite of passage or being more mature. It's just something you can now legally do, but it's not necessarily the best thing.

Now, if you don't like this, don't shoot the messenger.  I'm not judging you, calling you names, or pulling you off my FB friends list if you forward-face your kids.  If you have protests or other thoughts about extended rear-facing, take some time to look up the research and decide for yourself what is best for your kiddo.  I'm only informing.

The same rules apply to how to adjust the straps and chest clip.  Levi is in a Britax (say "BRIGHT-ax") Marathon 70 from Target. It's not the super-duper-space-shuttle-ready car seat, but it got high scores on consumer and safety reports, and Britax is a great brand.

Q: Why rear face?

A: A toddler's head is still proportionally large to the rest of the body.  For quite some time. It's the heaviest part of their body, and in even a minor rear-ending, will snap forward, and can even cause internal decapitation (look up "internal decapitation" on YouTube...it's a quick 1 or less video).  When rear-facing, the seat cradles the body and head and absorbs the impact, rather than the limbs and head flinging forward. No whiplash.

Q: But the legs are all crunched up.  They'll break in a crash.

A: It doesn't matter if their knees are against their nose.  There is no evidence cited from any study indicating that rear-facing children break their legs in a crash...and these studies are typically done in Europe, where in many countries it is completely normal for kids to RF until four years old.  Levi is a long kid and he sits criss-cross-applesauce, puts his feet all the way up on the back seat, or just sits spread-eagle.  He's never complained.

And if you think of it, think of how you drive. Or sit as a passenger.  Especially as the driver - and especially if you're tall - you don't get the luxury of extending your legs much. It's just the way it is.  We deal with it; so can they.

Furthermore, and this sounds perhaps rather crass, but it's what sold me: Broken leg - cast it. Broken neck - casket.

Q: But my kid cries.

A: Too bad.  You're the parent.  Sometimes I have to have wrestling matches with Levi to get him in his seat, because he can push his feet against the back seat and levitate himself off the seat.  So I tickle or blow on his tummy, or just plain old wrestle it out because I'm mom and I really don't care what he thinks about his position. I'd rather have him alive and not in a halo....of any sort.

There IS one huge disadvantage to rear-facing that I've seen:

Levi has never seen a train.

He's always facing the other way.  Oh well.  Someday, when he's in junior high and finally gets to see what's coming instead of what's already gone by, he'll see a train crossing.  But he does sit high enough to see out the back window and the side windows, and very much enjoys wow-wow-wowing at trucks, cars, dogs, people, and everything else. He in no way rides in a deprived manner.

There is a LOT more that can be said about rear-facing and the physics of crash forces that support extended rear-facing, but I'm not nearly on the uptake enough to speak to all of it, but I will say that it's compelling enough that I would not be surprised if it became law soon to rear-face your kids until the age of 2.  YouTube it, Google it, ask the car seat inspector about it WHEN you go for your initial (free!!!) inspection.  For all the energy we put into their cuteness and their diet and their discipline and their social-ness and their intelligence, this is definitely worth the small time investment to learn what's safest for all the time they will spend in the car.

I'm sorry for the long and boring post, but I don't spend precious Levi nap time blogging about things that I really don't care about.  I really, really, REALLY feel strongly about car seat safety, so please take this info to heart.  If you look around there are TOO many babies and toddlers incorrectly secured and it IS a matter of life and death for them, and if we as parents can spend however much time on Facebook, we can spend time researching what keeps them safest.  Right?

Twenty Months

I'm not normally one to post all about Levi or hallmark his milestones...partly because I'm lazy, and partly because I like to write and think about something else.

But....today I will make an exception. :)

My little boy - my baby!! - is 20 months old today.

In the past two weeks, his vocabulary has exploded.  He's always been a "talker" but nothing terribly sophisticated.  He invents his own words, or applies the same word to several things ("ba-ba" could be ball, Bible, or about three other things).  But recently he's been way more bold about actually mimicking what we say, and stringing two words together.

He loves his books.

 

He loves his daddy.

He loves to wear hats.

 
This is how he puts on his own hat.  Gangsta-style. :)

 

He loves doing something he thinks is hysterical and has a telltale squeal of delight that informs me, "You have GOT to come and check this out!"

 

Like here.  I came out of his room to see poor Molly looking like, "I hate my life."

He hates making messes and will pull out a cloth to wipe up his spills (oh, if only I could remain in the delusion that this will continue through the teen years!)


.

But he loves emptying drawers.

He's an amazing hugger.  Like choke-hold.

He has an incredible laugh.  I tell Matt that I wish I could bottle it up, and several years from now when he's out of the house, I can just uncap the bottle and listen to the infectious bubbly-ness of his giggle.

He knows he has a brother coming and knows he's in my tummy (though sometimes he'll point to Matt's or his own tummy).  He knows that his family consists of Mama, Papa, and _______.

He loves to imitate blowing his nose and throwing away the kleenex.  Last week at Meijer a man nearby sneezed and blew his nose and Levi about died laughing and started imitating him.  Which made the man crack up. Which made Levi ham it up even more. I really need to start charging for this little one-man act at the grocery store.

He loves taking out the garbage.  One scrap of paper or plastic shall not fall in our house without him whisking it up and demanding it be thrown away instantly.  Dog hair tumbleweeds shall not exist in our house without him pulling out the Dust Buster and demanding it be taking care of. Immediately.

He exhausts us.  The kid has unparalleled energy.  Getting out the door in less than 20 minutes is a monumental feat.

His heart is just as desperate for a Savior as our own.  Sowing seeds of grace into it every day is our greatest task.

We want him to be polite; but we don't want his manners to create a pridefulness that will give him cause to look down on others who are less "refined."

We want him to be intelligent; but we don't want him to think that success in the eyes of the world is the measure of his worth.

We want him to know the Lord; but we don't want him to make a profession of faith out of wanting to please his parents.

We want him to follow rules; but we don't want him to be crushed by rules and lawfulness. We hope he will be crushed by the tremendous and awesome grace and conviction of the Holy Spirit, and know that obedience follows a heart full of gratitude and love.

We want him to understand that he's not a "good boy" because he is inherently good of his own accord; rather that he is "good" before an awesome Lord because of the sanctifying work of Christ on his behalf.

What a tremendous weight of responsibility.
  
What a tremendous honor. 

We love you, sweet Levi.

 

Would you have known what to do??????

Soooooo...I was confronted with an awkward situation not too long ago.  It was one of those things that you, upon reading this, will probably be able to say, "Oh my word, I would totally have done/said/called ________..." because it seems painfully (and should be painfully) obvious.  If you wrote this and I read it, I would think the same thing. But you really never know until you're in it, and I found that I clearly did not do the right thing.  So out of mild embarrassment, and sort of as a public service announcement, I present you with said situation, and the correct solution at the end. :)

You pull up to a store. Say, a Christian book store,  in the late morning.  There are few cars in the lot, and HAHA!!! there's a primo spot right up by the door.  You park, next to an SUV that is also directly in front of the door and large display windows.

You get out to wrest your child out of his car seat, and note the SUV - black, windows cracked, engine running, no one in the car.  You think sarcastically, "Sure wish I were rich enough to keep my car running while I shop.." and then inwardly chastise yourself for thinking haughty sarcastic thoughts in front of - a Christian bookstore. ;)

And then you look again - at the risk of being snoopy, because the windows are very tinted - and are completely taken aback.  A little boy is looking back at you...no older than Levi's age...from his car seat.  At the risk of being even more snoopy, you cup your hand around your eyes against the window to make sure there isn't a grandparent, sibling, or anyone else there.  There isn't.  The boy looks content.  He's not crying.  The day is becoming very warm but the sun is on the other side of the building so he's very much in the shade....and.....well...this is weird to see a kid by himself in a running car.......

You justify to yourself - how many times have you thought, "Doggone it - I do *NOT* want to unbuckle _____ AGAIN just to run into Walgreens for three seconds."  And then again, you inwardly chastise yourself at those moments,thinking - it takes a split second, the wrong person in the right place at the right time, the brake slips, the engine spontaneously combusts, whatever....and I'd live with my regret for the rest of my life.  Nope, can't do that, and so you unbuckle him.  Again.

Maybe the mom ran in for a quick second and is watching the car like a hawk.  Yeah, that must be it.  If you were at the grocery store, that would be a no-brainer - huge parking lot, kid alone in vehicle = a call to the police. But this is a tiny bookstore...in a small parking lot...in front of the large windows...does that change things?????

So you go in the store.  Not a soul - not even a cashier - can be immediately seen.  A small handful of people shopping there.  You later figure out that the woman who was literally sitting in the Bible aisle, surrounded by Bibles and books, completely surrounded by large bookshelves and clearly immersed in her choices, is the mother of the boy in the car.

Do you.......

Confront her???

Grab the license plate number and call the police?

What do you do???

Confronting her is a sticky enterprise. No doubt it'll not be received well - even if you're clearly in the right.

Calling the police seems sticky - will you have to wait there and be questioned?  Can you remain anonymous?  How do you remain anonymous when your car is clearly the one right next to hers, it'll be pretty easy to conclude it was you who called...and maybe she's a really awesome mom.  And now she's open to a CPS investigation that could entirely ruin the next few weeks for her. What's the fallout of that???

So you do the worst possible thing...nothing.  She spends her sweet time in the store, debates about getting her new Bible engraved, and then drives off.  Nothing happened to her toddler.  She probably will do it again.

I did nothing.  And I'm kicking myself for it.  I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt - I mean, there's a REASON I don't go to bookstores or any place that requires me to stand still for more than three seconds to make a decision. Taking an antsy little boy into the bookstore is a recipe for frustration at best.  That day I had my mom with me, so we could tag team while we looked at what we wanted while Levi systematically dismantled the Veggie Tales display, touched every book, keychain, and bookmark, and gawked at the candy. That lady was by herself. Undoubtedly, she did what she did so she could actually take her time. I get it.

But it was still........and I'm really not trying to judge HER, just make a discernment on this one decision........a very stupid thing to do.  Maybe our parents could do it 30 years ago, I don't know.  It's just...it only takes a split second.  And your baby is gone. No trip to any store, no amount of peace and quiet, is worth that.

So what should you do???

Well, Matt works - (well, this is his last day, he's now an employee at Gentex in Zeeland!!!! WOOOOOOH!! No more commute!!!! - but that's a different post for a different day) in Grand Rapids police department.  He asked one of his cop friends.  The right thing to do is take the license plate number and call the police and let them handle it.  Confronting invariably leads to a confrontation that becomes an issue between you and the other person, and then it's on a totally different level of problematic.  In this case, assuming this is a normal mom with no prior "history," she'd get a quick visit from CPS with an admonition on why this should never be done, and then hopefully it's a done deal.  (And FYI - evidently the fact that the car was running puts it on a whole different level, apparently, and she could have been charged with abandonment.)

Soooo...if this happens again, I'll know what to do.  I hope it doesn't, but if it happens to you, don't make the same mistake I did and do nothing.  If something popped up on the news that night about that little boy, I would feel partially to blame, basically standing by and doing nothing when I could have.  It was just one of those instances that in retrospect - or even in theory - seems terribly obvious, but when you're in it, you're like UHHHHHHH.....UHHHHHHH....and we all hate those moments.  So, learn from my mental oblivion and don't let this happen again :)  And it's just another reminder that it IS worth it to do the carseat-wrestling-match multiple times.

Judgmental

Well, after nearly two years of not-very-in-depth but definitely experiential research, I have reached a conclusion. I can now name the most judgmental group of people I have ever encountered...and perhaps that group will surprise you...drumroll....

Moms.

I am going to start this post by saying that I am the president of the Judgmental Mom club and I am directing my remarks as much at myself as anyone else, so your finger can point right at me and I will not - cannot - argue or defend myself.

Is there any one group of people that is more bent on sizing each other up and drawing swords - yet more in need of encouragement - than any other? The battle lines are endless, they criss-cross, connect, zig-zag - they're all over the map. Just like our thoughts and emotions. It's a mess. The homebirth moms vs. the medically-mediated-birth moms. The Babywise moms vs. Attachment Parents. Co-sleepers vs. Ferberizers. Vax vs. no-vax. Breastfeeders vs. formula. EXTENDED breastfeeders vs. those who quit before or at a year. Discipline methods. Food choices. Home schooling or public? Dating, courting, or "dourting?" Curfews. College or no college. We have thoughts, opinions, and blog posts to splash on Facebook to back up our views, from celebrities, pastors, and "mommy blogs."

Let's just get it all out in the open that we ALL feel insecure, like bumbling fools with these tender little hearts to raise, and we don't have a clue. We all wake up some mornings and think, How am I going to do this again today? It's fun to post pictures of our pudgy babies and silly kids on blogs and Facebook, but the reality is that having your hand at the plow to your child's heart is work, more work than you ever believed, and you'd sure like to see someone doing it worse than you, because it makes you feel a whole lot better about the ludicrous act you feel like you're pulling sometimes.

Right? Right?!

I read a post recently that gave me the encouragement AND conviction I needed (it's a shorty, I highly recommend checking it out). And that post is the springboard for the following thoughts and reality checks -

1. Christ gave us freedom in our decisions (Romans 14:16). All of our arguments and stances and positions are preferences - and yes, many of them are backed up by much research and there are clearly some things that are better than others - BUT - they are still decisions we can freely make when we want to do what's best for our families. It becomes a problem, as the author of the blog post sagely pointed out, when we use our preferences and decisions to build a fortress around ourselves inside which only those who have made the same decisions are welcome - and deem everyone else around us ignorant and stupid.

2. The condition of our child's heart and soul are the most important (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). Obviously, diet and education and reading to your kids and bonding and loving and adapting good sleep habits and all that are terribly important. But let's not construct idols while we're doing these things. God has a LOT to tell us in His Word about parenting...and it's all in the context of raising wise and discerning people (just about every verse in Proverbs), children who love Him and His law (Psalm 1), and who keep their way pure by guarding it according to His Word (Psalm 119). And even then we have no guarantee. You can do flashcards from sunup to sundown with your kiddo, and he may never be ahead of the other kids in reading. And you can instruct and train your child's heart and they may still rebel. Adam and Eve rebelled and they had the perfect Father and the perfect environment. Our kids will make their own choices no matter HOW hard we try to keep their feet from going to the left or to the right.

3. The Lord hates haughty eyes (Proverbs 6:17). There is simply no room for any of us to look down on each other for how we discipline (obviously I am not excusing abuse, I assume I don't really need to clarify that), what we feed our families, whether or not we vaccinate, etc. This comes down to a pride issue and there's no room for that in our relationships.

And finally...

4. The opposite of judgment is encouragement (Ephesians 4:29). A huge shout-out to my neighbor, Tab Wolters, for coining this very profound and simple truth!! We moms (women in general!!) need to encourage each other at every opportunity!!! In agreement or disagreement, the bottom line is we love our kids and would die for them. We make decisions for them that we truly believe is best. Whether we feed them green smoothies or milkshakes from McDonald's, we just plain love 'em and can't believe they've been entrusted to our care.

So join me in laying it down, ladies. :)