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I'm so sorry it took me so long to write again! Sometimes I just hit a wall and can't think of anything fun or deep or intriguing to say. And sometimes what I do want to say is quite often snarky or sarcastic, and there's enough snark and sarcasm in the blogosphere. But believe you me, I could write some really funny, sarcastic posts if I allowed myself...but it would probably be a career-limiting move...

Anyway, life is pretty good over in this corner of the Midwest. The snow is melting, the rain is here, the temps are up, Matt passed his big CCNP test, my sweet friends are having sweet babies, Tulip Time is around the corner (I LOVE Tulip Time!), my clothesline is just BEGGING to be draped with laundry (soon! Very soon!)...things are just good.

But hearts continue to break around us.

One of my friends went through two miscarriages this past year. And not only were they miscarriages, they were ectopic pregnancies (you may have heard them called "tubal pregnancies"). With an ectopic pregnancy, the fertilized egg doesn't travel down the fallopian tube and nestle in the uterus as planned. That naughty little egg might implant right in the ovary, in the fallopian tube, right at the tippy-top of the uterus where the fallopian tube empties into it, or in very bizarre circumstances, it might even detour to someplace OUTSIDE of the uterus entirely. Clearly, this is a problem. A baby cannot happily grow in any other place than the good ol' womb. An ectopic pregnancy always ends in a miscarriage at best, can render a woman's womb scarred and infertile, and can be life-threatening to the mother at worst. There is no way to salvage the pregnancy. Once the egg has implanted, it claims squatting rights and doesn't budge, nor can it be budged. It will continue to grow until the space no longer allows it, and then it will rupture its chosen surroundings. Not a good scenario.

My friend's first two pregnancies were ectopic. Devastating.

This past Sunday, it was announced that my friend and her husband found out that she was pregnant again. In an amazing picture of Christ's body at work, we as a congregation gathered around this sweet couple to pray for them, their baby, and a much better outcome.

Within days, she miscarried again.

I'm not in the driver's seat. I as the created cannot look at my Creator and understand why. I have to cling to the fact - the FACT - that God is good, and His ways are not ours. But why? Why? Why does this couple, in whose home Grief has already overstayed his welcome, have to usher him back in again?

But these dear friends already see God's kindness in this heartbreaking circumstance. It's not another tubal pregnancy. No, this time, it was...

...an empty sac.

Oh, that darn empty sac. It's like going to a party for someone you love more than anyone in the world...and you get in the door and the lights are on and the streamers are up and the cake is on the table...but where is the guest of honor? You look from side to side, up and down, and start frantically running from room to room. The silence is eerie. The wand keeps running from one side of your gelled belly to the next. Where did they go?? Where did th....oh. Oh. That's where they're supposed to be. The party was planned but the one you love never showed up.

But praise the Lord, there was something - something - growing in her womb. In her womb! Now, that is uncharted territory for them. Even in the midst of this loss, they are thanking God that this one at least ended up in the right place.

How like them to count it all joy, what they are going through. Losing a baby is NOT easy. The second you pee on that stick, you can't help but start to plan and dream and wonder. And then you lose it, but the world around you dares to move right on without you. But we can still count it all joy. I struggle with that. I tend to count it all fear when I face many trials.

But hope is blooming! The world brazenly does move on, but it does take us along with. Tulips are pushing up out of a ground that was just blasted with snow only a few weeks ago. Babies are coming out of mothers who were only a year ago told they might never have them. Our God is a God of victory over death, who proves that in spite of the fact that while things break down, life pushes back to the surface - and never in vain. Always perfect. Always exquisite. Always hopeful.

Erinn,

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,

from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,

that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith -

that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have the strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the

breadth
and length
and height
and depth,

and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 4:14-21 (Susanne prayed that for me when we had our loss.)

I pray that the Lord will fill your house with children.