Monday, December 28, 2009

Better days ahead

Without getting into too much detail, suffice to say that I'm fairly confident that I'm finally on the downhill side of what has felt like history's longest miscarriage. I'm so, so thankful. I was curled up on the floor wrapped in a quilt after church yesterday, crying my eyes out because it's been exhausting to have it draw out this long, to keep being reminded of what's happening and what we've lost. I've been so afraid that the time is coming near when I'll have to draw a deadline for myself and agree to medical intervention...which I did NOT want. So it appears that God answered "yes" to my prayer that it would progress naturally. I know that if He said "no," then it would be for a purpose and He would carry me through that, too. But I might have had a temper tantrum along the way and it would have been uglier than necessary.

Christmas was wonderful. We went to my aunt and uncle's house north of here and saw most of the family. Only once did I come close to crying, when one of my aunts hugged me really tightly. I couldn't help but keep asking myself during different parts of the day, "Is THIS when we would have told everyone? What would that have BEEN like? How COOL would that have been?" On Saturday Matt and I were drinking tea and hot chocolate at JP's, and I remembered that I would have been ten weeks that day. Just about out of the proverbial first-trimester woods. Anticipating starting to show soon. Why is there no end to the tears I can produce?

But it was not meant to be, and now I look forward to seeing what IS meant to be.

We had a fabulous day checking out the sales downtown on Saturday, ate lunch at a fancy restaurant (we had a coupon, don't be too impressed) went to a movie, and played games at home. We bought ski equipment for Matt and tried it out around the neighborhood under a delightful snowfall yesterday. I have Matt and Molly and a great family and amazing friends. My Glory Baby is in heaven celebrating Christmas with the King of kings. We miss that little one that we had already grown to love. But we're so excited to see what will come next.

So thank you for your prayers and support. This experience showed us that God can mobilize an army and uplift us with the prayers of other people. What a grand thing to see and experience! Please pray that in the months ahead we might have another joy...and one that will be healthy and strong (and, um, THERE) and that we'll be able to hold and love.

Merry Christmas!

1 comment:

Pamela said...

That resonated w/ me. My tubal went on for 2 months of waiting for it to finally "pass" and be all over. It felt like an eternity. My emotions were so unpredictable w/ all the drama, hormones and grief. So glad you were able to take care of things in the way you'd hoped. God bless you and will pray for next time.

Pam