Monday, December 21, 2009


Sorry I had to keep my last entry so heavy-hearted, but I worked this weekend and haven't had a chance to update it. I'm on my way out the door pretty soon but wanted to give a quick update.

My hormone levels continue to rise, but the increases are slowing down, so at some point they need to start dropping and I'm hoping that's real soon!! One thing that encourages me about that is that my body clearly is strong and healthy and doing whatever it can to support a pregnancy (although there is nothing to support). I find comfort in this! I'm so thankful that I am so fearfully and wonderfully made that my body is trying to do what it was made to do...even if it's a little, um, slow on the uptake.

I worked this weekend, but felt great - physically and emotionally. Of course I remain sad that my little one is no longer with me, but God's peace is so abundant.

Today I continue to feel great. I went skiing and scrambled to do some last-minute Christmas things.

I really want to point out that if I say that I'm doing well, I'm doing well. I was telling a friend last week that I'm a lousy actress: I'm not all that great at hiding what I'm feeling! If I'm sad, I'm fully sad and am unable to hide my tears. But if I'm feeling well and at peace and happy, it's not a facade. My smile is not fake, my laughter is genuine, my mood is exactly how I feel. There are times when I feel like I have to spend more energy trying to "convince" others that what I'm feeling is genuine and acceptable - whether it's a good or a bad day. My good days are not days in which I'm in denial. I can't deny what's going on at all. I can't deny my disappointment. But I love life too much to not continue enjoying it.

Anyway, I'm off to a birthday party, so I need to scoot - thank you soooo much for all the prayers and encouragement. I know my roller coaster will continue, so I continue to covet your prayers and encouragement!!

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